re: Genuine OT help on a new engagee

The absolute best advice that I can give you from someone that has been married for a loooong time.

Before you're even married, you've come here and asked everyone how to help you figure out how to change her about a major issue and her inability to make decisions or move on that issue due to the stress of of how it will effect her, but mostly how others will feel and perceive everything she chooses.

You need to understand right this very minute, that crippling fear that she has of disappointing other and that desire that she is showing to base every important decision she makes on the feelings and perceived opinions of people that don't matter WILL NEVER CHANGE. It just won't. You need to be at peace with the idea that your wife will forever be guided and at times brought to a complete stop by the idea that what she's doing will bother people that you find their opinions completely and totally unimportant.

I'm telling you this will happen with everything and it will make absolutely zero common sense to you. Getting ready for dinner parties, what clothes she's going to wear, how your house is picked up or decorated before people come over, later on how your kids dress or getting ready for their birthday parties or trips etc, EVERYTHING!!!

I'm not telling you to run, I'm just telling you from many years of direct experience that it's not going to change, it will only get stronger as the amount of stress on her life increases (ps, this is a low stress time of life you're in right now) and you're going to have to learn how to live with it if you are in love with this woman and fully committed to spending your life with her. Good Luck Young Soldier