re: Pondering Life With My Situation

Your health conditions sound really shitty. I'm sorry.

I am guessing you probably have real sleep issues as well. Sleep is crucial to mental health. Not some hippy-dippy BS but literally will drive you insane if you can't get quality Zzz. If you feel like you aren't rested, perhaps just adding a C-pap will make enough difference that you have the energy to deal with the rest.

I hope you don't mind me suggesting, but it sounds like you are likely clinically depressed. I suffered briefly with depression during pregnancy (a completely intended, wanted and welcomed pregnancy) and it unnerves me when people throw around depression and sadness like it's the same thing. It altered the way I saw colors (everything looked grayish), felt like I was trying to breathe through a hot washcloth all the time, took away my appetite. It felt like being stuck in a fever-dream. It was horrific. Mine resolved itself and never returned, thank GOD. If I had to live like that for any period of time, I would probably want to jump off a bridge. Clinical depression isn't something talk therapy with a psychologist will help with. It requires an MD (psychiatrist) and trying different recipes of medications, but can offer incredible relief.

action steps:
1) google an Internist if you have to. Get referal for. a c-pap and a psychiatrist.

2)get some sleep

3) exercise outdoors every day. Even if just a 10 min walk

Set a time in the future to re-assess. If you've made progress, rinse/repeat and set another date in the future.


As a mother, I beg of you not to give up. Just because you don't have wife/kids doesn't mean you aren't an important piece of someone's life. A crucial piece.