Is there any way to "audit" if a will was followed

Yes, hire a lawyer

After seeing several examples of what can ensue, I don't see how anybody would agree to be an executor. When everybody is in agreement, it's a lot of work. When there's disagreement, it's a shitshow.

Very true. I didn’t realize what I had gotten into last year after my uncle died. But even worse, I didn’t (completely) realize what a greedy, lowdown POS his widow and brother-in-law were.

Grief led to anger and then me having to apply the Jag_Warrior “stupid tax” to her. I really didn’t want to do that. Really! But my father put it in me that if someone swings on me, whatever I do to them after that is their own doing and fault. Cost her mid six figures once I turned the screws and went 100% by the book - no grace was offered or given.

Being an executor for anyone you care about is a long, arduous, stressful process. Do your loved ones a favor and appoint an attorney/law firm to be your executor. Don’t do that to a loved one.

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how do heirs know if executor of will/estate did not steal money/insurance/land/etc

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The beneficiaries have a right to an accounting unless they signed a written waiver waiving their right to an accounting. Did they sign a waiver? That's for TN/MS, whatever state you are in should be similar