re: The Dumbest Rule in College Football

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neither does an unrecovered forward fumble that goes out of bounds literally anywhere else

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But a recovered forward fumble is. A fumble advances the ball. The reason it goes to the spot of the fumble if it goes out of bounds is an exception, not the rule. If it goes out of bounds at the 8, it could go forward to the 7 as well. If it goes out of bounds in the endzone, there's no more forward advancement to go past the endzone, so that's why the exception doesn't kick into effect in the endzone.

It's not hard, you're just being obtuse. There's no where else for it to go out of bounds other than the endzone or the field of play. Think of both the endzone and out of bounds as outside the field of play, only play is allowed to continue in the endzone if the offense doesn't have possession. But because it's outside the field of play, the rules for going out of bounds in the field of play don't apply.

There's a bunch of different ways to explain it, you just don't want to listen to it after years of having it explained to you.