TrueLoveofNature

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Just do drugs and move to the west coast. No more responsibilities.

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I know this is meant as a joke but ironically part of me has thought about just running away and disappearing as much as possible. Leave everything behind and start new. Sadly I'm sure my family would try to look for me and unless I moved out of the country I doubt I could truly "disappear". Plus I know that's just running away from the problem.

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No, they won’t. I go to counseling once a week, and none of that happened. They won’t be able to contact your family unless you give them they’re info.

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That's good to know. I know one of the first steps I need to take is some sort of counseling.

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I know the question wasn't directed at me, but that's a plan that sounds a hell of a lot better than the alternative. I'd start with seeking out and find a professional to talk to that can help you work through these difficult times. Maybe they can present you with a plan that has the same results without the hardships of just up and quitting a steady job. Or they may tell you your plan is fantastic and turn in your notice.

Let someone help you with those kinds of decisions who can look at your situation from a different angle and present you with the best path for yourself.

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I know I probably should start with seeing a therapist. This is part of where my job comes in. We work Monday through Friday and are on 9 hours days right now with bankers hours. What hours do therapists typically work? Monday through Friday. I feel like it'll be really difficult to get in to see a therapist and if I do it'll be months away. I genuinely don't think I can keep my current situation going for that long.

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Get out there.

I lived 3000 miles from my family and friends. I forced myself to join softball teams, bowling teams, flag football teams, whatever the frick teams work had. I never said no to an invitation or happy hour. I volunteered to clean up parks and playgrounds. I went for bike rides. I found people to play tennis. If I wanted to see a movie, I saw it and didn't worry if someone went with me. I did trivia night. I learned to snowboard. I would get in the car and drive to see something new. I'd go ride a damn roller coaster. I just never sat idle.

You'll always be alone if you don't put yourself near other humans. They aren't going to come to you. It doesn't mean you even have to date. It just means you have a place to be.

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I know, I definitely need to do stuff like this. I've worked from home for the last year and at first I loved it but I think all it's done is isolate me even more in hindsight.

The idea of constantly doing something and not sitting idle I think is good as well. I really do feel like I allow myself to get lost in my thoughts pretty often and then it just becomes a vicious cycle. The thoughts cripple me from wanting to do anything.

You all really think it would hurt more people if I ended it? I've always thought I would just be forgotten pretty quickly. I mean I'm not anyone famous and even memorable. I'm pretty much the definition of a nobody. :lol:

I've even had dreams where I've died and I've seen the aftermath. Sometimes people are crying, sometimes people are laughing, other times people don't even show up. I've definitely wondered recently what a memorial for me would look like (though I grew up Catholic I wouldn't want a religious funeral).

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We've all been there, brother.

I went through the same exact thing a year or so ago. It feels like your body is just on autopilot. Getting in that rut is very real.

I sifted through my life and found what was holding me back so I changed them, one of which was my job. I stopped trying to control every part of life and just let it come to me.

Then, I went harder at the gym, ate better, and transformed my body. From that, my confidence in all aspects of life went up

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The job aspect is definitely something I would need to fix if I decide to try to keep living.

I agree with your analogy. My body feels like it's on autopilot, hell my whole life feels like it's on autopilot. But there is no spark in my life. My brain feels either numbed or just completely dead. And I have no answers how to get out of it.

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Seconded. Just know that if you don’t fix the underlying issues, they will come back to bite you in the arse with interest 10-15 years later when the dog dies

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I'd love a dog but ironically I'm allergic to them so I sadly can't even go that route. It's incredibly frustrating.

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Um, I hate to be so blunt in a post like this, but those people you mentioned are the only people you should be interested in living for. None of the other people matter.

They're the exact ones you should talk to in times like you're going through.

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True but I feel like they would be better off without me. And I only have a few friends, never really been good with making friends as an introvert. I feel like if I made a video for each of them that would help them understand.

I absolutely do feel like if life was a day I'm on the sunset portion right now. Not just the start of the sunset but deep into the sunset, almost dark. And once it goes dark I will be gone from this world.

My entire life is miserable. I am single and alone. My job is tearing me apart and inflation/COL is killing me as well. I just don't feel like anything good is happening in my life. I'm tried doing dating and women just constantly ghost me even if they do show initial interest.

I am extremely lonely and I really don't feel like anyone would truly be impacted if I were gone. Sure family and some close friends would be devastated but can I really live for them anymore?

I don't want to die but I genuinely don't want to live anymore either. I feel like I'm near the end and I just want the pain to end. Is it so wrong to feel this? Is it so wrong to just want to go to sleep and not wake up?

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense but I figured I would discuss it with some other people. I just feel so lost right now.