re: What is your opinion on funerals?

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I'm dead and I'm still pissing people off? They're pulling off to the side of the road and cussing me? Ruined their day.

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I don't mind it. Serves as a good little reminder to be grateful that, at least for today, I'm on the side of the road and not in the procession (or in the hearse ). But I don't doubt that not everybody looks at it that way, especially if they're late for work or something.

As far as how funerals go, I'd say the ones I've attended lately have been split about 50-50 between one-day and two-day services. It makes no difference to me unless I'm somehow involved in making the arrangements. The family's wishes should be paramount.

The only time I really had a hard time with the way the services were structured was when my grandmother died. She and I made all the arrangements together a few months beforehand, and at the time she couldn't decide whether to set everything up for one day or two days. I went by what the rest of the family told me, which was that they thought one day was too long and tiring. My grandma also worried that limiting it to one day would prevent everybody who wanted to come from attending. So that was the basis for all the decisions we made beyond that point. Everything was set up for an evening wake, then AM visitation before the funeral. The funeral director also suggested that we have lots of photos to represent her close relationships with our (very large) extended family, so my grandma asked me to be in charge of that.

All this was done with the intention of accommodating the whole family's wishes; the only reason I was responsible for the actual funeral home visit was because my grandma felt like I was the best equipped to be able to help without it becoming a burden for me. We also did it early on purpose, so that if anyone else had any special requests or wanted to change anything there was plenty of time to do it.

Then the morning she died, the two other closest family members told me that they felt like they could only handle one day. My grandma had had a drawn-out, difficult death and we were all emotionally wrung out. I totally understood, and seeing that I was the only one of the three of us who hadn't lost a parent within the last couple years, I didn't feel like it was the time to make an issue of it. But by the time I re-did the arrangements to reflect the change, I only had a few hours to get photos to the funeral director--something I expected to have at least a full day to do. I missed SO many important people and parts of her life. Also, for weeks afterwards people told me how sad they were to have missed the services, but with such a short window for visitation they couldn't make it.

I've never said one word to my family about any of this, nor do I plan to. They're normally the most considerate people on the planet and clearly had no idea of what was involved, and it's over and done with anyway. But, silly as it is, I've always felt like I failed my grandmother in her death, and now I'll never have a chance to make up for it. Breaks my heart a little.

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Exactly. Funerals aren't the time/place to see who is "loyal" to you because they show up or don't show. It's not like a birthday or wedding.

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I will skip the frick out of weddings and birthday's but funerals are something you should attend if you knew the deceased or their family well.