re: The thing that pisses me off about the fried chicken chalupa

Tons of amateurs here.

Go to the taco bell site. Click on you chicken chalupa and customize it. See all of the toppings you can add.

TBell has lots of stuff you can add if you ask that isn't on the standard item.

The thing reminded me of the secondary in a Ulam-Teller H-bomb design. However, as you noted, they left out the equivalent of the Pu-239 spark plug running down the center of the insides. You see, the chicken exterior is like the U-238 tamper, the lettuce and tomato the lithium deuteride fusion fuel, but there's no damn spark plug in the center. Your bite acts as the primary and provides the implosion, but the flavor yield is greatly reduced by the absence of the spark plug, which should trap and compress the lettuce/tomato between chicken outer and inner layers.