re: So..got in a fight with the wife tonight…

I have lurked here for years and finally decided to post after reading this. There are so many sides to a situation like this. Because of that I’m going to comment on just one aspect for now.

I feel uniquely qualified to talk about this because it sounds a lot like my failed marriage. And I don’t point that out to discourage the OP. But like him I provided and felt I did everything right. And she still left. There were things she desperately wanted but because of her own bad behavior were not possible. As a result she stopped trying and she stopped wanting me.

It took me a very long time to accept there was nothing I could do to save the marriage. This was despite her saying she chose us, would do whatever it took and even sought therapy. But eventually she came clean and admitted she never meant any of that. Her greatest wish was to leave the marriage.

I say all of that to say this. Watch what she does and don’t focus on what she says. If she accepts therapy it’s essential you know what’s being said. For example my ex spent months talking about things that had nothing to do with our marriage or any of her real issues. She admitted this later. She was just going through the motions to be able to say she tried.

It sounds like the two of you have more going for you than we did. I’ll pray for you and your family.

As someone who went through this (without the alcohol), she’s depressed. I said some of the same things you wrote, almost word for word. She needs to see a doctor. She doesn’t realize it fully bc she’s in the middle of it. What opened my eyes was my son telling me he was worried about it. Full stop, I went to the Dr the very next day. She likely also has a hormonal issue she doesn’t know she’s dealing with. Maybe even weight gain.

Once I was aware and physical issues were treated, I forced myself to reengage with my friends and activities. I had to force myself bc I was so tired and hated the extra pounds I put on. After a couple weeks, I was comfortable with the return to my previous schedule of house cleaning, friends and tennis. The weight dropped off.

It’s tough to take that 1st step and force your way back into your routine but the relief of that return is the reward.

Good luck.

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A 20 year military career looks great on a resume. Being a stay at home mom, not so much.

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Plus the military pays retirement benefits (and disability to all if you believe this site) after you leave. The OP will also pay the equivalent if the wife leaves or he gives her the boot.

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You know why? Because none of those things are real. It's made up bullshite from the past popularized in modern culture.

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oh well if you say so it must be true