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re: So the time has come. A young man is coming over to take my daughter out.

Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:07 pm to
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
71982 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:07 pm to
quote:

You said your son pushes boundaries

Clearly if you were completely capable of controlling him that wouldn’t happen


It’s in a teens nature to push boundaries. It’s your job as parent though to ensure those boundaries are still maintained.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:10 pm to
If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
Posted by Mingo Was His NameO
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
36507 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:11 pm to
quote:

It’s sad how many posters think you can’t be a parent to teenagers so they just take the easy way out and green light whatever the teen wants to do.



Control /= parent
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
71982 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:13 pm to
quote:

If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back


Unless you’ve done a completely shite job at being a parent for the first 15 years of their life, you certainly can.
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
71982 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:14 pm to
quote:

Control /= parent


Ready to finally tell us how old your kids are? Since you know so much about parenting and all.
Posted by Jimbeaux
Member since Sep 2003
21332 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:15 pm to
quote:

You said your son pushes boundaries Clearly if you were completely capable of controlling him that wouldn’t happen

Paige, you’re not making much sense here.

All kids push boundaries, some more than others. That doesn’t mean you don’t set boundaries. Without them they don’t have a point of reference and will certainly take bigger risks.

You’re right in that it’s a balance. You can’t set the limits too tightly, nor be totally devastated when you’re kid doesn’t obey.

The OP is in a tough spot because of the divorce situation. Otherwise, until and unless I met this older boy and got to know him a bit, I would not approve of them dating.

Either way, lots of discussion needs to take place, and you (Dad) need to really listen.
Posted by t00f
Not where you think I am
Member since Jul 2016
101250 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:17 pm to
This is a lost cause DV. Some parents or OT pretend ones think being a good parent and being there for your kid someone get’s invalidated at 15.
This post was edited on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm
Posted by Jimbeaux
Member since Sep 2003
21332 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to
quote:

. If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back


Maybe so, but she’d be doing it with the knowledge that there’s reason to be cautious, and certainly the opportunities will be limited.

If she’s already crazy about the guy and they're have bunny sex, well it’s time for a different strategy.

I’m talking about a first date situation.
This post was edited on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm
Posted by Mingo Was His NameO
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
36507 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to
quote:

This is a lost cause DV. Some parents or OT pretend ones think being a good parent and being there for your kid someone get’s invalidated at 15.


This must of made more sense in your head
Posted by GeauxtigersMs36
The coast
Member since Jan 2018
12424 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to
Yeah that’s over the 2 year lead way. When she’s 18 day who ever. Until then it’s safe for the boy and her to stick to it.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to
Wrong

My best friend started having sex with her bf at 14. She came from a very good family
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:21 pm to
What doesn’t make sense?

You can’t completely control what a teenager does
Posted by t00f
Not where you think I am
Member since Jul 2016
101250 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:22 pm to
No, this is my analysis of your attitude in this thread. You have a few buddies in here too so you are not alone.
Posted by Jake88
Member since Apr 2005
77916 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:22 pm to
quote:

If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
That's simply not true. How does she get behind the parent's back? Inattentiveness?
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:23 pm to
But this thread is not based on a first date situation
Posted by Mingo Was His NameO
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
36507 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:24 pm to
quote:

No, this is my analysis of your attitude in this thread


A sentence full of grammatical errors and misused homophomes that made no sense?
Posted by Jimbeaux
Member since Sep 2003
21332 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:24 pm to
quote:

You can’t completely control what a teenager does


That’s not what I’m saying at all.

Do you think not being able to “completely control” a teen means you shouldn’t set boundaries?

Not setting limits would be foolish IMO.
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:25 pm to
Have you ever been a teenage girl? You have no idea what they do. You can’t be with them every minute of every day

And I know none of you have perfect children who’ve never broken a rule which proves that you can not control their every action
Posted by Paige
Vice President of the OT
Member since Oct 2010
85617 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:27 pm to
You’re putting words in my post, trying to make me a argue a point I never made

My post said that you can not control what a teenager does
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
71982 posts
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:27 pm to
quote:

Wrong

My best friend started having sex with her bf at 14. She came from a very good family


That’s your problem. You probably think they’re a “very good family” but your friends actions say otherwise. I say that because her parents should have known her whereabouts so that the opportunity to have we would have never presented itself.

And before you start ranting about how you can’t lock them up, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about knowing where she is and more importantly who she’s with.

The bottom line is being able to control your teen starts before they’re even toddlers, it’s called instilling discipline. I’m not talking simple fear, I mean real discipline. Both discipline to you as the parent but also self discipline when you’re not right there with them. I’m sorry if this concept sounds foreign and impossible to you. But it’s true and it works. I’ve seen the results firsthand in my son and in his friends as well.
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