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Started By
Message
re: So the time has come. A young man is coming over to take my daughter out.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:07 pm to Paige
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:07 pm to Paige
quote:
You said your son pushes boundaries
Clearly if you were completely capable of controlling him that wouldn’t happen
It’s in a teens nature to push boundaries. It’s your job as parent though to ensure those boundaries are still maintained.
1
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:10 pm to Darth_Vader
If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:11 pm to Darth_Vader
quote:
It’s sad how many posters think you can’t be a parent to teenagers so they just take the easy way out and green light whatever the teen wants to do.
Control /= parent
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:13 pm to Paige
quote:
If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
Unless you’ve done a completely shite job at being a parent for the first 15 years of their life, you certainly can.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:14 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:
Control /= parent
Ready to finally tell us how old your kids are? Since you know so much about parenting and all.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:15 pm to Paige
quote:
You said your son pushes boundaries Clearly if you were completely capable of controlling him that wouldn’t happen
Paige, you’re not making much sense here.
All kids push boundaries, some more than others. That doesn’t mean you don’t set boundaries. Without them they don’t have a point of reference and will certainly take bigger risks.
You’re right in that it’s a balance. You can’t set the limits too tightly, nor be totally devastated when you’re kid doesn’t obey.
The OP is in a tough spot because of the divorce situation. Otherwise, until and unless I met this older boy and got to know him a bit, I would not approve of them dating.
Either way, lots of discussion needs to take place, and you (Dad) need to really listen.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:17 pm to Darth_Vader
This is a lost cause DV. Some parents or OT pretend ones think being a good parent and being there for your kid someone get’s invalidated at 15.
This post was edited on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to Paige
quote:
. If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
Maybe so, but she’d be doing it with the knowledge that there’s reason to be cautious, and certainly the opportunities will be limited.
If she’s already crazy about the guy and they're have bunny sex, well it’s time for a different strategy.
I’m talking about a first date situation.
This post was edited on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to t00f
quote:
This is a lost cause DV. Some parents or OT pretend ones think being a good parent and being there for your kid someone get’s invalidated at 15.
This must of made more sense in your head
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to dirtsandwich
Yeah that’s over the 2 year lead way. When she’s 18 day who ever. Until then it’s safe for the boy and her to stick to it.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:19 pm to Darth_Vader
Wrong
My best friend started having sex with her bf at 14. She came from a very good family
My best friend started having sex with her bf at 14. She came from a very good family
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:21 pm to Jimbeaux
What doesn’t make sense?
You can’t completely control what a teenager does
You can’t completely control what a teenager does
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:22 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
No, this is my analysis of your attitude in this thread. You have a few buddies in here too so you are not alone.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:22 pm to Paige
quote:That's simply not true. How does she get behind the parent's back? Inattentiveness?
If you forbid a teenage girl from dating a certain guy, she will just do it behind your back
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:23 pm to Jimbeaux
But this thread is not based on a first date situation
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:24 pm to t00f
quote:
No, this is my analysis of your attitude in this thread
A sentence full of grammatical errors and misused homophomes that made no sense?
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:24 pm to Paige
quote:
You can’t completely control what a teenager does
That’s not what I’m saying at all.
Do you think not being able to “completely control” a teen means you shouldn’t set boundaries?
Not setting limits would be foolish IMO.
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:25 pm to Jake88
Have you ever been a teenage girl? You have no idea what they do. You can’t be with them every minute of every day
And I know none of you have perfect children who’ve never broken a rule which proves that you can not control their every action
And I know none of you have perfect children who’ve never broken a rule which proves that you can not control their every action
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:27 pm to Jimbeaux
You’re putting words in my post, trying to make me a argue a point I never made
My post said that you can not control what a teenager does
My post said that you can not control what a teenager does
Posted on 6/23/19 at 1:27 pm to Paige
quote:
Wrong
My best friend started having sex with her bf at 14. She came from a very good family
That’s your problem. You probably think they’re a “very good family” but your friends actions say otherwise. I say that because her parents should have known her whereabouts so that the opportunity to have we would have never presented itself.
And before you start ranting about how you can’t lock them up, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about knowing where she is and more importantly who she’s with.
The bottom line is being able to control your teen starts before they’re even toddlers, it’s called instilling discipline. I’m not talking simple fear, I mean real discipline. Both discipline to you as the parent but also self discipline when you’re not right there with them. I’m sorry if this concept sounds foreign and impossible to you. But it’s true and it works. I’ve seen the results firsthand in my son and in his friends as well.
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