re: NSFW: 20 questions women think about when knocking boots

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15.What’s it like to have to pee with a boner?

CUMBERSOME. KIND OF AWESOME IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE THOUGH.

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Am I missing something here or is there something new I need to try.

Mainly just want you{ladies) to drain our balls.

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What do blue balls feel like?

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Imagine the worst Charley Horse that you've ever had, only it won't go away, and any attempt at moving only makes it worse.

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20. And again, for posterity, BALLS: what the frick do you really want us to do with them? 

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elposter

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Why are you yelling?

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1.When you’re getting head and you reach down to touch your balls, what are you trying to convey? Do you want us to touch them? Is it something you enjoy doing on your own? Use your words, please. Even a grunt would be appreciated.

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I honestly have no idea. Mine are kinda ticklish, so just keep sucking away.

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2.Again, when it comes to head (balls excluded) do you prefer the hands-on-the-shaft approach or do you want the whole “look ma, no hands,” thing?

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If grabbing the shaft helps you to go deeper and suck harder, gp for it. If not, they're unnecessary. Hands are for your help, not mine.

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3.We’re not in any way obligated to go near you arse, right? Is that something the majority of you don’t think about? Or are we completely just conditioned into thinking so?

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arse is invitation only.

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4.To those of you who don’t manscape, why is that? Is it a matter of laziness or just personal preference? Do you not know how?

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It's a combination of laziness and preference, mostly the preference for not having razor burn. Also, it's itchy and uncomfortable when it grows back.

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5.Keeping up with the pubic hair (far more interesting than The Kardashians), do you give a shite if we have hair down there? Like would it actually deter you from having sex?

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Less hair is preferred, but hair is not a deal breaker. However, a lot of hair does discourage me from giving oral.

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6.Lingerie: worth the money or just an unnecessary frilly hurdle? For us to wear, not you, unless you’re into that sort of thing.

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Well, it's sure as hell better than granny panties.

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7.You guys close your eyes from time to time. Whatcha thinkin’ about? I’m sure it varies, but there has to be some sort of general constant. Is it other women? Is it your car payment?

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Absolutely nothing. The sex is so good that we are purely enjoying the moment and not thinking about anything else.

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8.What do blue balls feel like?

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Have you ever seen a waterheater explode? Imagine the intense pressure which develops right beforehand. That's what it feels like. Intensely painful pressure.

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9.Why do some of you have the compulsion to ejaculate on a woman’s face? Would you like ejaculate on your face? I don’t think so.

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I don't. Some guys do because they see it in pornos a lot.

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10.Have you ever tasted your own ejaculate? (Why am I allowed to write for the internet?)

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No, nor do I plan on doing so.

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11.Period sex: yay or nay?

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Nay unless the period is really light and the woman is super hot and into it. Periods are for blow jobs.

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12.What are the ultimate boner killers? Like if you’re mom calls during sex, do you think you could keep going?

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Bad hygiene, someone trying to put stuff in my butt (seriously, stay out of there), anything involving being pooped or peed on, parent calling. After a parent calls, I would likely need at least 10 minutes to get my mind back on track before I can get back to it.

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13.Whiskey dick: has it ever happened to you? If so, why would you continue to drink to the point it happens again?

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I've only had it happen full-on once. See, whiskey dick comes in 3 levels: Level 1 makes you last longer before cumming, level 2 prevents you from cumming, and level 3 prevents an erection. As you could infer, a lower level of whiskey dick may be actually desirable and advantageous.

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14.Are you ever “not in the mood”? If so, what could be the cause of that?

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Typically only when I need to get some goddamn sleep, and have needed such for several days.

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15.What’s it like to have to pee with a boner?

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It's like trying to aim a fire hose to fill a solo cup that's 10 feet away without getting water anywhere else. It's geometry hell, and also painful.

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16.Titty-fricking: what’s the appeal?

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I think this is another thing guys picked up on from watching porn. I don't know why I like it, it's just satisfying for no other reason than it involves boobs large enough to be used in that fashion.

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17.Do you feel emasculated when you watch porn?

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I'm not looking at the dude.

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18.Does spitting or swallowing actually matter to you or do you not really give a shite what happens the moment it comes out?

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Swallowing is the preference purely for sentimental reasons. I think it may be a more submissive activity, and a man receiving oral/ a woman giving oral is just about the most dominant/submissive sexual activity possible.

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19.Do you think you’d perform differently if you were trying to conceive a child? Like would the knowledge that you’re potentially procreating cause you to switch up your style?

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Not really. There's only four major factors in how a guy performs: sobriety, his enthusiasm, her enthusiasm, and his energy level, and his enthusiasm often directly correlates with her enthusiasm.

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20.And again, for posterity, BALLS: what the frick do you really want us to do with them?

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Try stuff every now and then with your hands and mouth while giving oral until you find something I like.

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12.What are the ultimate boner killers? Like if you’re mom calls during sex, do you think you could keep going?

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Kids. GD kids ruin everything