re: Merry Christmas to everyone I love the ot and everyone here, 2022 is about living

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andersBlake

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7 years ago on Christmas Eve I was in your same position, had the gun loaded and in my hand ready to pull the trigger. I was homeless, jobless, didn't have any family to turn to, definitely nobody to talk to, and was the lonliest I've ever been.

Then my grandma called me out of nowhere to say Merry Christmas, I literally had to put the gun down to answer the phone. I hadn't talked to her since she called to say happy birthday 6 months prior, so it's not like we talked often or had a close relationship.

I could tell by something about her voice that she was upset, and I of course never let her in on the fact that I was struggling myself - I actually sugar coated everything about my life so she wouldn't worry about me.

It turned out that she was having a hard time with lonliness herself, as she lived in Florida alone and the rest of her family lived in Arkansas. My grandpa had died years ago and she could no longer serve lunches at the senior center due to her arthritis, and that's basically where she got all her social interaction.

I spent a long time on the phone with her convincing her why she didn't want to die like she had been saying, and why life is great and every day is precious. I was actually convincing myself I think.

We got to a point where I fessed up to my hard times too, although I would never tell her that I was just moments away from suicide when she called. Then it was like a light suddenly came on in her head and she said "come to Florida! I have all this extra room in my house and it's right by the beach, it'll be good for both of us!"

It's like everything in my life went on an upward trajectory from that moment, that one phonecall that was seemingly out of the blue. It had to be God doing work, that's the only way I can explain it.

Now I have an amazing wife, career, home right on the beach that I never could've owned without getting a great deal from my grandma, and our first baby on the way.

Everything about my life is the complete opposite than it was Christmas Eve 7 years ago, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how I almost ended all of it right there, and all the happiness I would've missed out on.

You'll get to that point too OP, where you look back on this dark period and think to yourself "man it's crazy how far I've some since then, I'm so glad I didn't do it."

It sounds like you're already somewhat out of the haze a couple days later, but it's still something that you'll have to take one day at a time and keep fighting for; until one day you wake up and realize you truly have it all and couldn't be happier.

You'll get there man, you already have the best thing on earth to live for - a daughter. Just choose to be happy and appreciate all the small things that make life beautiful every morning when you wake up, and take it one day at a time. Try to make a little progress every day, but don't beat yourself up if you can't sometimes.

Go to church on Sundays and pray, even if you aren't the biggest believer. Put your pride and masculinity aside and accept help when you need it, and even when you think you don't, even with small things. If you need a job, don't be afraid to tell everyone you know, everyone you just met, or people you don't even know that you're looking (I ended up becoming a US Marshal that way). Open yourself up to others and be genuine, talk to strangers and smile. Never be afraid to seek out someone to talk to, even if it's just a simple hello and a short conversation.

Most importantly, try to stop drinking by yourself or in non-social settings. At least try to limit your drinking to "happy times" when you deserve to celebrate something, even something as simple as landing that new job you're going to get; but still don't get drunk. Drinking to celebrate will leave you with a totally different outcome and feeling than drinking to forget the bad stuff.

You got this, man. I have no doubt that you'll look back on your dark period the same way I do, and you'll grow stronger and more appreciative every day for having faced it and beaten it. Then there'll come a time that you're so happy you can't believe you almost took that away from yourself and your daughter.

One day at a time.

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didn't mean to drag any ones holiday spirits

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my friend you have nothing to apologize for and did not drag anyone's holiday spirits down - if anything, you help us know that people need help, be it physically, monetarily or just a kind word or 2.

i truly hope it all turns around for you. stay the course my friend - it may not seem it, but it will get better.

AVAL.

I have it because I wanted to diversify into international stocks. Mediocre from a straight financial standpoint, but this is psychological advice - you'll get the dividend paid notification more often.