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Started By
Message
re: Let us start a joke thread
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:07 pm to Bronson2017
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:07 pm to Bronson2017
Two dyslexics walk into a bra...
1
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:17 pm to FightinTigersDammit
Little Johnny is playing in the living room with his toy plane while his mother is in the kitchen cooking dinner. He flies the plane around and then lands it, saying, “all you mother frickers that want to get on, get on. All you mother frickers that want to get off, get off.”
His mother heard this and ran into the living room, sending him to his room for an hour as punishment.
Once out of his punishment, he goes back to his plane, flies it around the room, and lands it, saying “all you mother frickers that want to get on, get on. All you mother frickers that want to get off, get off. All you mother frickers pissed off about the hour delay talk to the bitch in the kitchen.”
His mother heard this and ran into the living room, sending him to his room for an hour as punishment.
Once out of his punishment, he goes back to his plane, flies it around the room, and lands it, saying “all you mother frickers that want to get on, get on. All you mother frickers that want to get off, get off. All you mother frickers pissed off about the hour delay talk to the bitch in the kitchen.”
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:24 pm to SouthEndzoneTiger
Dad's a truck driver, and comes in from Six days on the road. Tells little Johnny to sit on the front porch, and if he sees a man wearing a red hat, Dad will give him five dollars.
So Johnny's on the front porch, and Mom and Dad are going at it hot and heavy, when there's a knock on the bedroom door. Dad says "Ignore it"
Another knock, and Johnny is calling 'Daaaad!". Mom says, "You better answer".
Dad calls out "What is it, son?".
Johnny replies, "Just wanted to let you know before you screw yourself into the poorhouse, there's a Shriner's parade coming down the street!"
So Johnny's on the front porch, and Mom and Dad are going at it hot and heavy, when there's a knock on the bedroom door. Dad says "Ignore it"
Another knock, and Johnny is calling 'Daaaad!". Mom says, "You better answer".
Dad calls out "What is it, son?".
Johnny replies, "Just wanted to let you know before you screw yourself into the poorhouse, there's a Shriner's parade coming down the street!"
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:44 pm to Bronson2017
What kind of bees produce milk
boobies
boobies
Posted on 11/19/19 at 5:52 pm to Bronson2017
It’s medieval France.
A guy gets caught stealing a loaf of bread.
He is dragged in front of a judge. He pleads for his life saying that he was on hard times and only trying to feed his family.
The judge thinks it over and says:
“Though unusual, we do on occasion get creative under special circumstances. We will give you three tasks. If you complete these tasks, you can go free. The first is that you must guzzle a gallon of wine in one swallow without letting the jug down with no spillage. The second task is quite dangerous. There is a ferocious tiger held in the castle that has a bad tooth. All that have entered to remove it have been mauled and met their death. If you survive that, the king has an unfortunate looking daughter that can’t find a suitor and is quite frustrated. Satisfying her needs will be your third and final task”
The guy says ok. He’ll go for it
They bring him a gallon of wine and he chugs it with no problems but become pretty drunk almost immediately.
He is taken to the hold of the viscous tiger. He is thrown in and the door is slammed behind him.
Those outside the door wait a few minutes and then hear the sounds of roaring, the sound of flesh being torn and all manner of terrible sounds. Then it becomes very quiet.
Those outside the door assume that the man had suffered the same fate as everyone else that has tried to pull the tiger’s tooth when they hear a faint knocking at the door.
They look at each other with surprise and inch the door open. The criminal is there bleeding and in tattered clothes.
He says: “I did it, now take me to the princess with the bad tooth.”
A guy gets caught stealing a loaf of bread.
He is dragged in front of a judge. He pleads for his life saying that he was on hard times and only trying to feed his family.
The judge thinks it over and says:
“Though unusual, we do on occasion get creative under special circumstances. We will give you three tasks. If you complete these tasks, you can go free. The first is that you must guzzle a gallon of wine in one swallow without letting the jug down with no spillage. The second task is quite dangerous. There is a ferocious tiger held in the castle that has a bad tooth. All that have entered to remove it have been mauled and met their death. If you survive that, the king has an unfortunate looking daughter that can’t find a suitor and is quite frustrated. Satisfying her needs will be your third and final task”
The guy says ok. He’ll go for it
They bring him a gallon of wine and he chugs it with no problems but become pretty drunk almost immediately.
He is taken to the hold of the viscous tiger. He is thrown in and the door is slammed behind him.
Those outside the door wait a few minutes and then hear the sounds of roaring, the sound of flesh being torn and all manner of terrible sounds. Then it becomes very quiet.
Those outside the door assume that the man had suffered the same fate as everyone else that has tried to pull the tiger’s tooth when they hear a faint knocking at the door.
They look at each other with surprise and inch the door open. The criminal is there bleeding and in tattered clothes.
He says: “I did it, now take me to the princess with the bad tooth.”
This post was edited on 11/19/19 at 5:54 pm
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