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Derek Chauvin Charged With Assaulting Inmate’s Shiv

Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:12 am
Posted by goofball
Member since Mar 2015
17169 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:12 am
quote:

Derek Chauvin Charged With Assaulting Inmate's Shiv

Babylon Bee

Former police officer Derek Chauvin was charged with yet another appalling atrocity today after allegedly assaulting a fellow inmate's shiv with his body while serving time for the 2020 death of George Floyd.

"The sheer heinous monstrosity of this man is disturbing," said Federal Correction Institution spokesman Greg Albertson. "According to information we were given by the victimized inmate, Mr. Chauvin stubbornly stood in the way of this gentlemen's crudely made prison shiv. Mr. Chauvin then repeatedly leaned his body into the shiv without the shiv's consent. We are currently taking disciplinary measures against Mr. Chauvin and pursuing additional criminal charges."

Chauvin is serving simultaneous sentences for civil rights violations and second-degree murder. A fellow inmate at the facility claimed to have witnessed Chauvin's brutal attack on the shiv. "Dude has no right to get in the way of a shiv like that," said convicted felon "Sneaky" Pete Ramirez. "That man's shank was just minding its own business and doesn't need some evil white man imposing his privilege. It's just wrong."
Posted by The Mick
Member since Oct 2010
44439 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:18 am to
LOL
Posted by Commandeaux
Zachary
Member since Jul 2009
7728 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:18 am to
Is the shiv ok?
Posted by Cosmo
glassman's guest house
Member since Oct 2003
125806 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:23 am to
quote:

Shiv


Whore

Posted by MAXtheTIGER
Title town
Member since Dec 2006
1082 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:25 am to
Thankfully, since the shiv’s civil rights are implicated, there can be both federal and state charges brought. Justice will be done!
Posted by bad93ex
Walnut Cove
Member since Sep 2018
30892 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:28 am to
quote:

Thankfully, since the shiv’s civil rights are implicated, there can be both federal and state charges brought. Justice will be done!



Can we get a 100% off sale at Target now?
Posted by BabyTac
Austin, TX
Member since Jun 2008
14459 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:30 am to
I had to google what a shiv was. Glad I didn’t know.
Posted by Auburn80
Backwater, TN
Member since Nov 2017
8930 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:33 am to
Was it a shiv of color?
Posted by Darth_Vader
A galaxy far, far away
Member since Dec 2011
69230 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:34 am to
quote:

Was it a shiv of color?


I hope not or cities will burn in “mostly peaceful” protests.
Posted by FlyinTiger93
Member since May 2010
3722 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 7:41 am to
quote:

said convicted felon "Sneaky" Pete Ramirez
Posted by geauxkoo
Member since Oct 2021
1560 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 9:27 am to
Shiv Lives Matter!!

Can he be charged with a hate crime?
Posted by Northshoretiger87
Member since Apr 2016
4886 posts
Posted on 11/29/23 at 9:48 am to
The initial reading looked like it came from the Bee.
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