re: d

(no message)

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Where they are talking to someone behind your back. Sexting, emails, etc.

And they claim they weren't physically having sex so it's not as bad.

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This. When confronted, mine said that she was lonely and he made her feel good when they talked. This was in the workplace. I wrote about this in the divorce thread the other day.

Gist: I found his number in the car and in a notebook - both in her writing - and since a long time ago she gave me her login stuff for social media (seems she forgot that), I logged in and sure enough she searched for him on a number of times. Also found messages from former boyfriends that were sexual in nature (both live far out of state) - not once did she say "I'm married..." And the thing is, she tried to say that he gave it to her on his own accord - which I called BS, because due to her work position, no one would just come into her office and give her his number out of the blue. Also found hidden memes from social media stating things like - "never thought could feel love again" and other such. She doesn't know I know about that.

She said that they never talked on the phone, but I have proof otherwise. Because of the nature of her job and the distance she has to travel, it would be hard for her to cross over to the physical, but not impossible. Had a PI sit on her for a while but nothing came of it. So, emotional affairs are just that - an affair that hasn't reached the physical level.

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When confronted a cheater will lie until they are blue in the face. When confronted with proof of their lie they'll just move the goalposts.

I know of one chick that got caught inside a guys house.

Told her man that they were just talking.

He believed her. Some dudes just can't face the truth

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Unfortunately, this. It took me a while before I could face it. There is a lot more to the story that I won't tell on here. I have more than enough proof to hang her career (even from an emotional affair) if I chose to do, but I won't ever stoop to that. The only way that would come out is if I had to use it if she tried to take the kids away and out of state.

This really depends on the amount of money.

If it's say 10k, the sex.

If it's like 500k, the money.

I mean 500k is years of living expenses and I can go buy plenty of fine arse for that.

10k is like what, 1/3rd of a decent car? 6 months rent or mtg pymt?

Excellent advice, fr33manator.

I had to go back and delete a lot of stuff on here just in case.

So far, she has been going to extra mile to work on us. She drives an hour from base to home, and then to counseling. For her to take that much time off of work every week, especially in her position at least suggests some sort of commitment to trying. So far, she has been doing a lot more of the old stuff she used to do - whereas when she mentioned divorce she wouldn't do shite to or for me.

Along with the guy's number, I found a burner phone number that I can't identify but I know it has been called. Sitting on that one. There hasn't been any evidence of any calls to either number for the past month or two.

So, am I being blind? I called her out on it - gave her proof that I know, but she doesn't know what I do have. I have said that I won't use unless a failsafe - I wouldn't use it even if she went ahead with divorce, but I would only for what I mentioned in the post above. I want us to work. Really, I do. Maybe that is being blind, etc., but over 10 years just isn't that easy to throw away.

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I know it isn't. Even harder with kids involved. And I used to be a firm believer in staying together for the kids.
Now I look back and it still hurts at times. But when people are miserable together it's like a poison gas in the home and it slowly starts to make everyone sick.

10 years is a long time to "throw away".
You know what's longer? 15 years. 20 years.

If you've still got some youth in you...call me crass and insensitive but a pretty young thing can go a long way to easing your hurt.

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Not quite that young - am 46. And yes,a pretty young thing can go a way to ease it.

As I said in the other post, my wife is/was so on the moral highground that it wasn't funny. She disowned one of her friends because she (friend) had an affair. What a kick in the gut to find out the emotional affair happened. I mean, literally.

No, don't paint a rosy picture for me. I know what I am up against, yet I still want this to work. Call me stupid or whatever, but I do. Now, if any more evidence surfaces, then things will change. It's hard to try and regain that trust - and I find it difficult at times to not check up on her. It has been since March since she asked for divorce and she has not served papers. We are also on a new counselor who is so pro and saving marriage that it isn't even funny - and my wife seems to like this one, too.

I'd never call you stupid. Willfully ignorant maybe. Not stupid.

A man wants to save his family. It's inherent in us. It's our job. I did too and it still eats at me some times. I've done PLENTY of things I regret and wish I wouldn't have...but I've learned some things from them too.

Problem you've got now is that she's tasted the fruit. Opened Pandora's box.

The only hard time is the first time. After that...it's easy. You lose your cool and blow up at her...she'll run to someone who'll soothe her ego. And trust me...she'll find someone. The gods were cruel that hung a man's weakness between his legs and placed a woman's strength between hers.

Once they step out...it's hard hard hard to get those fences back up. Like the raptors in Jurassic park...they are testing them for weaknesses.

They are far craftier than we give them credit for.

I wish you the best of luck.