re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality truly is a remarkable, unbelievable illness / condition.

It's hard to put into words how messed up their world is, and the abuse / punishment that everyone close to them has to endure. The manic tantrums, the guilt trips, the evilness that's inside of them, and the abandonment.

My boys haven't really had to deal with it yet. My oldest one will be 12 soon and my little guy is 8. I've had them full time since the summer of 2015 and she lives 3 and a half hours away.

I know what I went through with her and I know what her and her crazy mom go through together. It's almost like you're listening to a pair of 6 years when they start talking about certain things. Emotionally the are way under developed.

Having said that, my ex has been on her best behavior the last 6 months and she's done more for them recently. I'm grateful. I've kept my distance and keep all of my conversations with her as brief as possible. I don't know if she's on a different med or if our contact is so limited (or that I'm not on her radar anymore) that I'm not seeing the affects.

I know her best behavior has an expiration date on it and a whirlwind of drama is coming one of these days. IT NEVER GOES AWAY.

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It wouldn't matter. If they truly suffer from a mental disorder, it would be like telling someone who is depressed "just get over it, life is good".

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I am dealing with a relative with a personality disorder. She claims something that isn't true. I have the receipts (several email trails).

I am going to get her to write down her claim, share her claim with the entire family, then drop the receipts.

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I've been dealing with my mother's antics for years and I thought it was bipolar

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Early on as a teenager that was the first diagnosis. Meds didn't help and there was very little information about BPD so it was just maybe, "she needs to grow up". Truth is, for treatment to work, you have to get them to admit faults. After turning 40 nothing changed. For many years we all had to just deal with it until you finally say enough is enough. Quit calling, quit texting me, etc. but they still don't understand why.

About 12 or so years ago is when I stumbled across BPD and finally it all made sense. We all convinced her to go go seek help which she reluctantly did. 2 months she did it all the while trying to gain sympathy from people and exploit the situation. When it finally came down to the look in the mirror part and really require self introspection, that's when she quit because, "the therapists is just taking the money" or "therapists isn't helping me do anything" or "therapists is trying to tell me I'm ________, which is wrong".

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She treats her own kids like absolute shite, but puts on a good front for everyone else.

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yep, without hesitation and their facebook page is full of wonderful things. So far two of the kids have done alright for themselves despite their situation.

So when dealing with someone like this, how do you approach them in trying to show them that something is clearly wrong? If there's only one of us telling her about the issue, then we are the problem. If it's more than one, then everyone is out to get her. I hate that things are the way they are, but I've had enough of the abuse and being treated like crap when she goes out of her way for everyone that is not one of her kids. Thanks for all the advice and insight in helping me understand what I'm dealing with. Is is hereditary and are most of them just downright mean and hateful?

Borderline's are both nurtured and nature.

It is both hereditary and learned. Depends on the environment.

Confronting them only causes explosions. It's never their fault or someone made them do it... or you guys are ganging up on her.

But, maybe several of you could tell her to google "borderline" and see what it means and suggest to her that she may have that.

And over time, you could mention "what are you going to do about it"..... but, until she gets to the point where she has train-wrecked her life enough to recognize she needs to change, it'll be a battle.

You wont get through to her easily. So, maybe don't even try.

Just stop all communication and block her from contacting you.