Cranky Scout Mock Draft

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Anthony Davis "Too skinny. Not self-aware. Have you seen that unibrow? Not strong enough to tussle with starting NBA centers like Byron Mullens, Spencer Hawes and Joel Anthony. None of John Calipari's kids have ever won anything at the pro level. Oh my God, he's so skinny. He's going to get eaten alive by JaVale McGee and Samuel Dalembert. What position does he even play? I'm not convinced. He kinda reminds me of Sam Bowie and Greg Oden, and you know what happened to them."

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Jared Sullinger "Too small. People will bring up Paul Millsap, but Paul Millsap isn't addicted to McGriddles. Something's fishy about Sullinger's weight loss before this season. Not sure it's sustainable. Better shy away from him. He's too short anyway. He's going to get killed by starting NBA power forwards like Trevor Booker and Drew Gooden. Can you see him trying to match up against David Lee or DeJuan Blair? Forget about it."

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John Henson "Too skinny. What position does he play? DOES NO ONE FIT MY PRE-CONCEIVED POSITIONAL DOGMA ANY MORE? Dammit, I would kill for one freaking normal prospect, not these hybrid shortstop-power forwards or whatever the Hell the Henson is.

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Kendall Marshall "Yeah, because the Blazers' last UNC point guard worked out so well. This is a weak point guard draft, so teams looking for a point guard are in trouble. By decree of the transitive property, ergo, Kendall Marshall stinks."

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Bradley Beal "This kid is not a leader. He just sat back and let those 40-year-old small guards ruin Florida's season even though he knew he was better. You need someone who will take charge! I'm not sure he's strong enough. There aren't any Mississippi State's in the NBA, OK? You're playing against Kobe and Wade and Manu and Thabo Sefolosha every night. No room for error. Steep learning curve. I don't think you can take him this high."

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