re: TulaneLSU's Top 10 dishes at Paula Deen's Family Kitchen, AWO

Before entering the restaurant, Mother required that I rub my hands with isopropyl alcohol and put on my N99 mask, which I was happy to do because the last thing I want to do is be guilty of spreading this virus to others. They say the incubation period is anywhere from one to fourteen days before you would develop symptoms, so masks are essential, friends.

The building is rather nice on the outside, fitting with the theme of the restaurant of the faux city. It reminds me of a ship as well as Bass Pro Shops and Joe’s Crab Shack. The signage is adequate, though not spectacular or memorable. The photos of Paula Deen, of whom I had never heard her name before today, look Photoshopped, with obnoxiously sparkling cobalt eyes.



Upon entering the open restaurant, one comes to the gift store. Apparently, this woman is famous and quite popular. So beloved is she that people flock to take pictures with her cutout, as though she were a President. I did not.



So much junk to fill one’s kitchen is sold in this shop that it made me sick. The only thing that caught my eye was the basket with Christmas ornaments. It is a terrible sin, but I have a compulsion to buy Christmas ornaments whenever they are before me. And this I did. I ended up with twelve of these Butter Y’all sticks. I hope some of my dear friends, SuperSaint and buttocksinclarse (free buttocks), will appreciate them when they arrive anonymously one day at their residences.



Before eating in any restaurant for the first time, I always inspect its restrooms. One can learn quite a lot about a place by first doing a thorough twenty point inspection of these forgotten rooms.



Overall, the bathrooms were adequate and did not turn me off the restaurant nor give me unfair optimism for it. The tiles were a pleasant grey. The urinals accommodate those of short stature, but none for one who is over 76 inches. I pity whoever puts his shoes on those mats, and worse yet is the one whose job it is to clean those mats. Why would you have material below a urinal? It seems very unsanitary.



The toilets had good water pressure, an important feature when eating in a restaurant that calls itself all-you-can-eat. What a disaster it is for a restaurant’s toilet to overflow. There are two urinals, two regular sized toilet stalls, and one stall for those with a handicap or those needing to change a child’s diaper.







The sinks are clean and well appointed. I understand that these backlit vanities are now the rave, but I do not like the look, preferring a more classical, Victorian look.



I asked Mother to take some pictures of the ladies’ bathroom, but she would not. “That is the most absurd request I have heard this year. Keep it up and I will leave you here.” Friends, I tried, but I am sorry to inform you that I cannot give you a review of the other bathroom.

The restaurant is currently serving at 50% capacity, per Alabama state law. The crowds were very light, so it was not an issue. The servers even had room to allow us to have a window seat. The view is quite enjoyable and relaxing.



I started with a tap water. One does not know a place without tasting its water. AWO’s water lacked any character. It was flat, forgetful, and forgettable. The only similarity with New Orleans Sewage & Water Board water was its clarity and wetness. Still, it was likely better than what the server was pushing -- sweet tea. Nothing is more appalling to me than destroying tea with sugar. Tea is made to be sipped slowly and without diabetes-inducing sugar. It disgusts me that people in the rest of the South drink that candy tea. It is likely a big reason so many people are obese.



One rude woman across the way was drinking both a sweet tea and an alcoholic beverage. She was overweight, loud, and obnoxious. I heard every word that came out her mouth, even from thirty feet away. She made the atmosphere less enjoyable for me.

The service was sophomoric, friendly, and overall, incompetent. I get that the restaurant likely is struggling to find help right now, and even in good times, the best you can get is a high school student. Nonetheless, when you are charging $20 per person for lunch, some level of competence is expected.

The restaurant bills itself as all-you-can-eat, just as the great Golden Corral. I did not eat all I could eat, largely because it took so long to get my food refilled. The menu is simple, you choose two or three entrees and four sides. It is approximately $20 per person at both lunch and dinner. At any point you can order more of the items you have already chosen. Do not try to order additional sides or entrees, or they will upcharge you.