re: I don't know what to do. I just want to end it

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for your true good friends, tell them how you're feeling and see if you can talk to their wives or maybe send them a text or something telling them you're sorry about how you acted in the past, but you're trying to change some things in your life and miss spending time with your friends. If they don't want to hear it, at least you can feel like you tried something to help the situation.

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Oh I don't have to apologize to them they did all the same shite I do. It's just they settled down before I did, I can still talk to them. Their wives are a different story. I've had that conversation with my friends already but it's basically they can't hang out with me because their wives know if they did then my friends would frick up because they're just like me. I imagine if I find a good girl and start a family all of that would change.

I'm just not sure I can find one around here. Most good ones are taken. My best option is to try to fix things with my ex who I love and honestly no other girl compares to her. She is amazing and I arrogantly took it for granted. Smart, beautiful, loves to hunt, enjoyed going out drinking with me and got along with all my friends. I just need to suck up my pride and humble myself. We didn't break up over cheating or anything so it might be doable. I think that's what got me in this funk. I didn't realize until she was gone how much I cared and needed her.