re: Is Kim Jung Fat arse coming to the U.N. General Assembly?

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1. Kim Jong-il had a supernatural birth

Move over Jesus. Based on Kim Jong-iI’s official biography, he was born on Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Baekdu. At the moment of his birth, a new star formed and illuminated the sky -- the seasons suddenly changed from winter to spring and a double rainbow appeared. Beautiful but Soviet records paint a far more boring picture. Kim Jong-iI seems to have been born in 1941, in the Siberian village of Vyatskoye.

2. Kim Jong-il is a fashion icon

In 2010, the North Korean media decided that Kim Jong-il’s fashion had taken the world by storm. The rest of the world knows that this never happened.

3. The world loved Kim Jong-il

North Korea has a particularly bad reputation in the world, but the North Koreans are oblivious of that fact. They are made to believe that North Korea is a phenomenally important country, and that Kim Jong il was the world’s most powerful leader. Every country celebrated Kim Jong-il ‘s birthday, didn’t you know?

4. Kim Jong-Il Invented The Hamburger

Minju Joson, the North Korean publication, credit Kim Jong-il with creating the hamburger. According to the paper, the leader invented a brand new sandwich and named it, “double bread with meat.” The new food was meant to supply quality nutrition to teachers and students. Next, a plant was set up for mass “double bread with meat” production.

5. Kim Jong-il was a master golfer

According to his biography, Kim Jong-il first picked up a golf club in 1994, at North Korea's only golf course. He shot a 38-under par round that included no fewer than 11 holes in one. Clap clap!

6. Kim Jong-il never used a toilet

Seriously, his biography states that the leader never used a toilet -- he apparently didn’t need to urinate or defecate. Oh and to add to the supernatural abilities, he could control the weather too.

7. The Japanese stole time

North Koreans believe that during the occupation by Japanese “imperialists” in 1919, time was stollen. In 2015, Kim Jong-un decided enough is enough. North Korea set its clock back by 30 minutes on August 15th. VICTORY!!!

8. Aids, Ebola, MERS And SARS are all easily curable

The cures haven’t been revealed, but fret not, North Korea has them.

9. The Americans are b*******

Is that not a fact?

10. There is no internet

Only government officials in North Korea have access to the internet. The best part is the explanation for why the internet is denied: North Koreans are made to believe that the reason that they don’t have access to the internet is because government officials would like to protect the West’s reputation. Okay then.

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