re: Did any of yall ever use to read Maddox's website?

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Everything has onions in it. I love onions with all my heart and soul. My girlfriend was giving me a piggy-back ride to the grocery store the other day because I didn't want to scuff up my new shoes. She was huffing down the frozen pizza aisle when I overheard some hipster chick saying "Ewww, onions!" I jumped off my woman's back and slid over like a smooth criminal. Her boyfriend shrieked, "dude, what's your problem?" That's when a clerk tossed an onion at me from the produce aisle. I immediately dropped into a handstand and donkey-kicked the onion into the hipster-chick's yapper. She started chewing like a horse and crying tears of joy. She was so happy that she gave me her number, which I drop-kicked out of her hand and into her boyfriend's skull. She asked me how she could ever repay me, and I gave her a stern look. She thought that look meant "suicide." She was right. She said "I know what I have to do." Then she waddled over to the houseware aisle, grabbed a potato peeler and started peeling off her own face. Then I watched as she slowly ate her face for the next 15 minutes, piece by piece until she bled to death. Her final words to me were "forgive me." I said "no" in sign language, and then she died. By now the manager of the store had come by and said "Sir, you have to leave.

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