re: 401k meeting today. Right way to ask about high fees??

I would address the questions to whoever picked your 401k provider also. There's a great chance that they have no idea about fees and picked the provider for a reason that doesn't matter to most, it could be it was the cheapest to your company and that's why the fees are higher.

Yes, Your only options outside of a 401k are Roth and Trad IRA unless you are self employed.