re: My worst fear came true.

I'm not going to be a dick because I'd like to trust some people on this site to not be trolls and you seem genuinely in pain. I'm also not going to pretend like I know what you're going through.

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They just sit there and sulk in pain, soaked in tears and alcohol as they replay the good memories over and over then think about someone else having her body over and over while you're thousands of miles from home. Sometimes a great man who's heart is full of devoted love will get his heart and spirit ripped out and devoured by her cruel and black soul.

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But I do know doing all of this isnt going to help you. Get up, be the man you think you are and move on without her. Sure it's hard but get your arse in shape and go out with your boys and live. You get a fresh start to your life now, take it.