re: I'm considering getting into hockey, help me pick a team

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You can't ask someone who to root for.

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I know, and I specifically stated in the OP I'm just looking for some pointers, not necessarily to tell me who to root for. If I do end up getting into hockey long term, it will be because I pick a team that I am interested in and want to follow. If I pick a team that is typically dead last and just sucks in general that wouldn't keep my interest.

It'd be like if a foreigner wanted to get into the NFL with literally zero knowledge of the sport or the teams. They would likely enjoy a few tidbits about some of the teams so they can form an opinion, especially since not every team is on TV all the time to watch everyone.