re: Crackpot ASOIAF Theories SPOILERS

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Tyrion

Tyrion is with the Second Sons and Jorah, readying for battle. Brown Ben has gone to see the girl general. However, the Second Sons are still on the side of the Yunkai. There are great laments that they are fighting for the wrong side. There is fighting in Slavers’ Bay and under the Wall. The fight will be upon their position soon.

Tyrion watches the sun rise over the battlefield. One of the dragons (he can’t tell which) eats soldiers being flung into the air by one of six things called the Wicked Sisters (apparently some kind of embattlement). “Why do the gods keep putting him into battle?” thinks Tyrion, since he’s not made for it. His thoughts turn first to Shae, then to his first battle at the Green Fork. He remembers the Green Fork better than Blackwater. And the Second Sons saddling up remind him of Bron.

He is not yet in armor, so he returns to his tent. Penny is there, dressed in real armor for her defense. As she helps Tyrion suit up, they talk. When he mentions Cersei, Penny says, “You would sell your sister for a cup of horse piss.” Tyrion has to laugh: “Is my taste for horse piss so famous or have you met my sister?” He then explains his thoughts on strategy for the upcoming battle – a great plan to be heard and followed by no one. And as he remembers his father remaining above the fighting at the Green Fork, Penny kisses him.

Tyrion is enraged. He rants at her about the slaughter of the battlefield and the reality about to invade her innocent world. Penny apologizes, saying she’s frightened. But this echo of Shae makes matters worse. He leaves to see the battle. It is Viserion chowing down on flying soldiers. Rheagal is in sight, however. The camp is in a panic.

A man in golden armor rides up from the Supreme Commander Gorzak (ph). No one in the camp knows who Gorzak is. This man is his emissary and commands them to move to the bay and attack the savages from the squid ships. Tyrion, as a Lannister, is well aware of the Ironborn depredations and is not inclined to follow the command. The Second Sons agree: they are cavalry and can’t walk on water. They decide to wait for Brown Ben to return. The emissary, assuring them of the wrath of Gorzak, departs. Tyrion and Jorah agree – they are fighting for the wrong side.

Viserion withdraws from the skies. Rhaegal still flies, however.

Brown Ben returns. Melessa (ph) wants them to defend a Wicked Sister. Tyrion crudely points out that the girl has nicer breasts. And at that point, a Yunkai nobleman rides up. Tyrion approves of the depraved scene depicted on his armor, but his news is less welcome. The nobleman swears vengeance on the Prince of Tatters and Tyrion mocks him. Brown Ben defends Tyrion from the nobleman until Jorah runs the Yunkai nobleman through.

And Brown Ben proclaims that they have been Queen’s Men all along! Joining the Yunkai was merely a clever ploy. Tyrion isn’t fooled by this, but is happy with the development.

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