Departing PwC email

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As many of you now know this friday will be my last day with PwC so I
wanted to say good bye and thank you for everything. My decision to
leave was not a snap decision as it may have seemed but a well thought
out process. It started one night in the audit room as I was helplessly
attempting to focus on some inane, completely irrelevant task so I could
leave when the green card carrying cleaning lady came into my cage to
empty my garbage when my decision was made. I realized that I was
actually jealous of her job. I would have gladly emptied the garbage
cans in the whole building over any of the nonsense I was doing on my
computer. See, at the end of her shift she has made a difference, she
has added value,
be it minimal, of removing the refuse from the employees cubes. At the
end of the day she sees the empty garbage cans and knows that she
accomplished something. When trying to apply this mindset to my own work
I found it to be impossible. At the end of my shift, I will have
documented a control, that was only created for the sake of having a
control, and my work will

get picked apart by anal retentive managers, but ultimately find a home
in a cabinet somewhere, only to see the light of day again when it is
thrown out in 7 years when it is deemed to be irrelevant. I have added
zero value to the client, zero value to my own company, and it has made
me routinely daydream about ways to off myself. I find it very hard to
be motivated when I know the end result of my work has no impact on
anything but simply must be completed because PwC audit guide says it
must be completed.
What
makes this entire process worse is the fact that those around you insist

that this work is crucial to the world's existence and it is essential
that you never use abbreviations, that your sheets must be as colorful
as possible, and all lines must be drawn with a ruler or else it is
clear that PwC will come apart from its hinges. I must have missed out
on the brainwashing session that PwC provided all senior associate and
managers

that taught them how to turn obsessive compulsive up a notch.

Anyway...that was how I came to decide that public accounting was not
really for me. A couple other pieces of adivce for my coworkers and the
company as I part:

I would greatly encourage some kind of weight loss challenge to be
implemented firm wide. The herd of water buffalo you call your work
force is embarrassing and a bit gross. When I call a co worker over from
2 cubes down and they are legitimately out of breath when they get to my
cube it may be time to knock off 10 or 80 pounds. The company seems to
encourage

this obesity; each busy season we get a giant package full of pixie
sticks, chocolate and assorted sweets. As much as I would enjoy type 2
diabetes, I think I'll pass.

Do not ever, ever, ever put one male on a team with all females unless
you want him to quit and or commit a hate crime. This is inhumane. One
can only endure so many conversations about greys anatomy, weddings, and
handbags before they wish for a cancerous tumor in their armpit.

I think the joke is old already, enough with the sarbanes oxley. It was
fun while it lasted but there is no way anybody can honestly think that
this bullshite is necessary. Oh you want me to pull a sample of the HR
file to make sure everyones birthday and hire date is accurate? Yea ill
jump right on that, and trust me I'll definitely let you know if there
is an exception and not just make up answers that result in me doing
less work.

You can easily cut some costs and get rid of the HR department. I'm
pretty sure you can train a monkey to send out the available list and a
timesheet reminder every two weeks.

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