The Most Interesting Man in the College Football World

Les Miles has dirt on the Football Gods. A week ago he was deplored as a clock-fiddling moron with more luck than sense, and was still much on the hot seat…But today… Oh what a winning week will do for your coaching reputation, especially when you are the enigmatic “HAT.” Like the Great Pyramid at Giza, Miles continues to confound Earthly logic. Just when you think he’s dead, you realize he is simply playing possum, saving strength for the coup de grace that ultimately breaks his opponent’s back in dramatic, comeback fashion. Like an Oscar-winning director, Miles seemingly scripts wins for the ultimate emotional impact; leading his audience, like he does his damn strong football team—to certain victory.

In this mid-season edition of the SEC Riviera Roundup we’ll put the defiant 6-0 LSU Bayou Bengal Tigers’ fascinating 2010 season into proper championship perspective, take our regular armchair quarterback tour around the nation’s toughest football conference, and revel in the swelling legions of bandwagon “HAT” fans in the post-University of Florida, pre-McNeese State era.

Even When He Loses, He Wins

The en vogue love fest for Les Miles across the sports writing globe is as amazing as it is unsurprising. That is because America always loves a winner—and they especially love a fighter like Miles. Factor in the almost disarming, brash quirkiness of the Ohio native and you get the most compelling, perplexing, and certainly most interesting, if not uniquely talented college football coach in the United States today; and it’s not even close.

Miles may not be from Louisiana, but he’s somehow quickly acquired its exotic flair for the original and contemptuous. Bent on winning ball games and obviously not in the least concerned with how he’s made his share of doubters among the LSU fan base, Miles is a man on a mission. Nevertheless, the LSU fans want him to win as convincingly as he recruits—which unfortunately for Miles—is all the time. Nevertheless, Lucky Les has his fans; and they are steadily…as the wins pile on…growing in numbers.

A Team of Destiny

In the post-game Saturday night Coach Miles alluded to the fact that something special was going on in the Tiger locker room…that a team was coming together…he admitted they were “pretty damn strong” and that he was mighty proud of them. An observer, even from the outside, can only wonder what the last consecutive wins have done for the collective confidence and psyche of the LSU Football team. No one has ever won the way they have. No team before them has had a coach like theirs. Now if only their fans would realize this and get on board before it’s too damn late.

Around the League…

Auburn – War Eagle is a battle cry sounding loudly and often on the Auburn plains. The Tigers, with their Bayou Bengal counterparts, comprise the veritable cream of the Western Division, as both sport unblemished conference and overall records. The Auburn Tigers appear to be a one trick pony with Cam Newton…but he is quickly becoming a respected thoroughbred stallion among offensive playmakers in the SEC. Newton and company will test their mettle against Arkansas this Saturday.

Arkansas – Ryan Mallet is hoping he will not throw away the Auburn game like he did the one against Alabama. Auburn fans are hoping he will. Mallet and the Hogs lack a reliable running game and a stingy defense. As a result, they must outscore their opponents. Arkansas just doesn’t seem like a team that is balanced enough to beat the likes of Alabama, Auburn and LSU, as they struggled against Texas A&M a week ago, winning only by a touchdown.

LSU – See column. Lesticles is back.

Alabama – Nick Saban was pimp-slapped by a bigger pimp with a longer rope in Columbia, South Carolina. The Evil Genius schooled “Little Bear” like no other on Saturday night, ending Alabama’s 19-game winning streak. Speaking of streaks, Greg McElroy’s undefeated run since pre-K ended abruptly as well. Saturday night must have been a tough one for “G-Mac,” who will only put on pads seven or eight more times in his Earthly football-playing career. And of course, Bama will be starting a complete greenhorn at quarterback next year so G-Mac can down the season stretch pad his quarterback rating for his mom’s scrapbook. Julio Jones broke his hand against South Carolina and DJ Fluker pulled a groin. All of a sudden, Bama looks extremely human, and Nick Saban’s blood pressure just skyrocketed.

Mississippi State – Teams that have to play Mississippi State late in the season (Bama & Arkansas) will be disappointed. The Bulldogs appear to keep getting better with every passing week. Dan Mullen is gaining a foothold in Starkville. Keeping it and moving up the mountain will be the next telltale task. Nevertheless, State fans aren’t regretting the loss of Sylvester Croom, as there is definitely a new sheriff in town. State could prove to be the ultimate spoiler in the SEC Western Division race.

Ole Miss – Houston Nutt and Shepard Smith hope an upset of Bama this weekend will buy much-needed time and momentum in Oxford, where things haven’t gone quite as planned for the football team this year. Ole Miss is a program struggling for not only a new mascot (hotty toddy/land shark/black bear?), but respectability. If a hero is a coward with his back to the wall, the Rebels are cast in the intrepid mode this weekend, as they and their embattled coach desperately need a signature win to boost morale and return hope to an otherwise dismal lot of modern college football fans.

Florida – At the end of the LSU game Urban Meyer looked like Clarence Beeks inside the gorilla suit in the cage with real gorilla at the end of the movie “Trading Places.” Meyer’s eyes dilated like onyx marbles inside his spinning head when he realized he was the latest victim of the violently unforgivable Les Miles vortex…but of course, it was too little, too late. One can only wonder if Florida’s head coach will maintain his composure and winning ways in the wake of becoming Les Miles’ latest victim. Les has left a long list of coaching lobotomies as he’s made his amazing SEC run. Can Urban regain his grip after becoming Miles’ predictable prey? Time will tell. His health and resolve will be firmly tested in the balance of the 2010 season.

South Carolina – After whipping the number-one ranked Crimson Tide by two scores, Darth Visor appears to be on a roll…with no end in sight. While the Eastern Division is struggling mightily to keep up with the heightened pace set by the Western Division foes, it looks like the subdivision is the Gamecocks’ to lose as Georgia, Florida and Tennessee are struggling for whatever reason. Interestingly, South Carolina has been in the league, like Arkansas, for only 20 years. Both schools have served the conference well during that time, proving to be as competitive as they were in the ACC and SWC, respectively, prior to their 1990 expansion entrance into America’s grandest football league.

Georgia – Mark Richt’s team finally won a conference game over a Vol team that had its collective heart eviscerated in Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge the week prior. The Dawgs’ deplorable 1-3 SEC start is its worst in years, and it’s because of their “great guy” coach, Mark Richt. Richt has been absolutely awful this year, taking Georgia big steps backward with losses to Mississippi State and Colorado. Furthermore, he is a failed disciplinarian. The national media talking heads keep insisting that Richt is fine at Georgia, which makes one wonder why Richt seemingly enjoys a media double performance standard as the head football coach at UGA, because in the end their rabid fans will have nothing of it. Barring a defeat of Auburn and Georgia Tech, Richt is toast. When Mississippi State ec