quote:
“You shall not delay to offer from the fullness of your harvest and from the outflow of your presses. The firstborn of your sons you shall give to me. You shall do the same with your oxen and with your sheep: seven days it shall be with its mother; on the eighth day you shall give it to me.

So just like the sacrifices of the firstborn goats, cattle, and chickens, also sacrifice your firstborn sons. Got it.

Exodus 22:20

quote:
“Whoever sacrifices to any god, other than the LORD alone, shall be devoted to destruction.

Wait, so you’re telling me there are actually other gods???

Leviticus 11:9

quote:
“These you may eat, of all that are in the waters. Everything in the waters that has fins and scales, whether in the seas or in the rivers, you may eat.

Quit eating crawfish, shrimp, oysters, and catfish.

Leviticus 20:15

quote:
If a man lies with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal.

If an animal is raped by a man, not only must you kill the man, but also the innocent animal. The LORD commandeth!

Deuteronomy 22:29

quote:
then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.

For any man who rapes an unmarried woman, the woman must spend the rest of her like with her rapist. Nice!

Numbers 5:11-31

quote:
27And when he has made her drink the (poisoned) water, then, if she has defiled herself and has broken faith with her husband, the water that brings the curse shall enter into her and cause bitter pain, and her womb shall swell, and her thigh (unborn baby) shall fall away, and the woman shall become a curse among her people.

If a man suspects a wife has become pregnant through adultery, he can take her to a priest and they will force her to drink poisoned water. If the baby lives, she was innocent. If the baby dies, she was guilty. Makes a lot of sense!

Ain’t the objective morality of the Bible just great?