re: I never really grasp term gaslighting (NSFW)

quote:

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1. issue arises in our marriage, typically nothing that significant in the grand scheme of things
2. i have some sort of negative reaction or emotional about whatever that thing is
3. wife perceives my HONEST reaction as a personal attack on her, accuses me of being "angry" even when i'm displaying zero or very little actual signs of anger (this is where she likes to pull out the "you're acting just like your father" card bc she knows my dad's temper bothers me, and is something i try to avoid replicating)
4. accusation of anger triggers me to ACTUAL anger, crazy fight ensues as i angrily try to defend my position of not being angry
5. fight ends however it ends, days, weeks, months, years go by
6. wife brings up the time that i was SO ANGRY about ***insignificant issue brought up in step 1***
7. i question my own memory and my own sanity

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Oh, yeah. Everyone knows this one. You don't have to be a narcissist or be bipolar, you can just be neurotic and/or insecure and in an argument attribute emotions and actions to someone that they don't actually feel. Nobody likes having someone else repetitively tell them how they feel, especially when it's not true. It's a relationship killer because one person is so insecure and the other gets so frustrated. All this emotional nonsense is why so few men and women never get to enjoy the really nice relationship they want.