re: Soft White Underbelly- A Divorce Attorney’s Thoughts on Love and Marriage

quote:

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I hope I never am forced to have the same worldview you have and I am actively working on this in my current marriage. I’ve had too many older peers get divorced, too many posts on this website, too many anecdotal stories from random posters on the internet for me to think it’s not possible. I know it’s possible. I know it’s a decent to good chance of it to turn into that. Because of how common it seems to be, I will do everything in my power to make sure my relationship is not one of base needs being provided for but rather deeper fulfillment.

As I said earlier, I’m not perfect, my marriage and life are not perfect, but I’m not going to let perfect make me unappreciative of really damn good.

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Never fall into the crab in a bucket mentality.

The irony of people posting about social media and ignoring the same psychological dimensions involved in cynical CIABM is hilarious. Especially if they're reinforcing this pathology with the same dopamine-based attention-seeking via online resources.

These dudes just take it personally and then get too used to the above-referenced dopamine responses. It is sad. Like people falling into MLMs or conspiracy theories.

Life is a series of decision making. Even with perfectly optimal DM, you aren't guaranteed success. To use a poker term, 1-outers happen, sometimes in the biggest pots. That doesn't mean that some force in the universe caused that direct suffering. The guys who fall into this mindset cannot accept that and personalize everything b/c they are narcissists themselves. That's why you see the pathologies they project (like the feed me/frick me and shut up stuff you're referencing) in this state so strongly.

THEY were violated
THEY were chosen for this violation by some source
THEY are so important that it's inconceivable that they've been inconvenienced
THEY have stories so special you must listen to them

etc. etc.

Selfish, fatalistic narcissism reinforced by social media. This version of TRP is the duck lips of relationship advice.