re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?

quote:

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but I hate it cause I just want to hate her but I can’t

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It sounds like you still love her. If this is the case, you have to put words into action. Here's my advice. Seek out a couple's counselor now. Go on your own if she isn't willing. Just changing you will change the dynamic of your relationship. Perhaps she will see your intent and follow suit. Bring as much humility to the sessions as possible. Let down your defenses. Sometimes it is hard to see how other people perceive our actions and our attitudes and can be hard to hear at first. You can either get better together as a couple or you can get better as an individual starting over. There is not a downside. One note of caution: avoid a counselor that takes sides. Even if its your side. If one partner feels like they are getting dumped on all the time, they will stop going. Be prepared to give your spouse some 'wins' even if you don't agree.

It isn't easy, but I've just been through a huge reset this past year with my husband. I didn't even realize how much resentment I was carrying around for past grievances. I was collecting resentments like they were toy cars. He just seemed angry at me all the time. Once I better understood how he was perceiving me I better understood his attitude. We did have work through those past grievances. And we both had to sit and listen to things that were hard to hear. But just the fact that we are listening to each other without being defensive, has completely turned the world around for us. Counseling Is not some hippy dippy bullshite. With the right counselor that you both trust, it can save a family.