re: Question for Those Up North

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A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH
Dec 8 5:00 pm - it's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Dec 9 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic site. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I shoveled both our drive and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered our drive with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled our drive again.

Dec 10 It snowed an additional 6 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs from the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled again. Shortly after, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Dec 11 It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my arse in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor but nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

Dec 12 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4X4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter pane. Had another 8 inches of that white shite last night. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddam snowplow came by twice today.

Dec 13 2 degrees outside. More frickin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on my property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with a kerosene heater which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2'nd degree burns on my hands and lost most of my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totalled!!

Dec 14 Goddam mother-frickin' white shite keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fricking mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 60 MPH and buries our drive again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Dec 15 6 goddam more frickin' inches of frickin' snow and frickin' sleet and frickin' ice and god knows what other kind of white frickin's shite fell last night. I wounded the frickin' snowplow a-hole with an ice axe but he got away. Wife left me. The car won't start. I think I'm going snow-blind. I can't move my toes. More fricking snow expected tonight. I'm moving the frick back to Texas!!!

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