From the definitive inside source

I know there's a lot of posers here with so called 'inside' sources - but they aint got nothin like my inside source. My inside source is so close to the program he knows what Miles eats for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Anyway, according to him, Les will announce his retirement on Monday. He's tired of coaching football - he's aged a decade this past season - so he's retiring from coaching to pursue his 2nd great love - plants. That's right, the Coach Miles Plant Nursery, will be opening up right next to Ruffino's in 6 months.

Also, Nick Saban will announce the following day that he and his doctors have decided that he was born the wrong sex, and he will undergo sexual reassignment surgery right after losing the thisschoolsucks.com bowl to Notre Dame.