re: How do you help an alcoholic friend

quote:

---

ole man

---

Best advice ever.

I got sober for the first time in 1985. After getting a 5 year chip I decided that I really didn't need AA anymore. I knew I couldn't drink in year 6, I thought I may be able to drink again in year 7, I figured I could probably drink again by year 8, and in year 9 I knew I could drink again safely. I did. Things went downhill rapidly and I lost a lot.

The scary thing is that as I was heading for a drink I was too proud and too embarrassed to go back to AA and get help. That almost killed me.

I got sober again in 1995 and consider myself one of the lucky ones who got another chance. I can't believe that it's almost 19 years now.

I have not been to a meeting in a long time. But this time I know where to get help if I need to get some. I will not be too proud to go back to AA. I can honestly say that I haven't been close to wanting a drink in many years.

The thing I do feel a bit ashamed about is not going back due to a bit of laziness. I know that my story can help others and I really need to make it back to a meeting.

Not drinking will not make everything around you magically wonderful. Things around alcoholics may not get better; your stock portfolio may not go up; loved ones are still going to pass away; friends and family may still get pissed off at you; things may not go well at your job. But -- you will get better. And you will give yourself the opportunity to succeed in life.

For those struggling with alcoholism please do not get involved in the academic exercise of whether it's a disease; a moral weakness; or some other problem. It does not make any difference. If you have a problem, take the responsibility of dealing with it. Different people may try different things. I tried a number of them over the course of my drinking. AA is the only one that stuck. That's just my experience. I found that the only way to stay off alcohol was to put as much time as possible between the last drink and today. My brain cleared and I could make more rational choices. I'm a firm believer that a person should do whatever he/she needs to do to accomplish that goal.

Best wishes to all who struggle with the issue of alcohol/drug abuse.

If only there was a program that used 12 steps to help alcoholics...

quote:

---

Would you agree to help manage your friend's calories if he were getting too fat? Tell him to stop eating mid-meal when you were at a restaurant? 

---

We're talking about alcoholics so yes if I had a morbidly obese friend that really needed help controlling his eating habits until he could help himself I'd absolutely do it. There a very short list of this things wouldn't do to help my close friends. Especially when they are in dire need and swallow their pride to ask for it.

You seem like a selfish person who I assume either has no friends or has never had to deal with a real world problem. Or maybe you did and just ran from it or said that's not my problem and left your friend dangling off a cliff somewhere.

My dad hasn't had a drink in 24 years........when i was in middle school I would go with him to meetings. One of the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course I hated all the cigarette smoke and train wreck women. Then i realized that there were kids in there that weren't much older than me.

OP's friend sounds exactly like me from 2006 to 2013.

I "wanted" to stop a thousand times, but there was nothing that could stop me. I think I used it as a crutch because it made me talk more (I'm not much of a talker at all, to the point that it bothers people when we go out), it helped me sleep, it alleviated boredom, and it made things seem more fun. It also made things that I was depressed or uncomfortable in my life go away for the night (if only once I fell asleep). I'm sure there were some other reasons hidden in there too.

There was no great moment of clarity that helped me stop. I did do something horribly embarrassing in October, and it was about the one billionth time that I did something horrible and/or embarrassing while drunk, so I stopped for about a week as a result of that. I always knew I had a problem, but then I realized that even when people would "go out," it was about hanging out and doing something fun first and about alcohol second. For me, it was always about how drunk everyone could get, and what we would actually do would be secondary to that. Once I would start drinking, I couldn't stop until I was passed out somewhere. I also had some health problems that doctors said were probably related to drinking (at age 25).

I still drink from time to time, but now I'm mostly in complete control. It's still weird and I have a hard time believing it's true.

Lots of folks will probably mention AA. That may work fine for some, but AA is not for everybody. Personally, I think it's a fricking delusional cult that trades an addiction for another damaging problem.

If anybody doesn't like my assessment, feel free to drink a nice tall glass of STFU. I know a thing or two about what I'm talking about here.

Very well said, but I'm not judging anyone, nor am I one to judge. I just don't understand how people lose control of themselves.

By the way this is coming from a guy who just ordered a beer on the train at 10am.

Nm

Addiction is no joke, and is very, very hard to discuss with the person who suffers from it. Stop enabling him. Whether that be lending him money, going out for drinks with him, or whatever.

It sounds easy, but it's actually really hard.