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Message
re: Thoughts on a big wake and funeral for suicide?
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:47 am to Fusaichi Pegasus
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:47 am to Fusaichi Pegasus
?
0
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:47 am to momentoftruth87
quote:
Its not sad, its very tragic for them and selfish as frick.
My friends father killed himself, and I was pissed as well at first. But when my friend spoke he talked about how his father struggled for years and years, in the end he took the only way out he knew. Helped me to view suicide in a different light.
Anger and all that are natural and its a tough situation, but it often comes as a result of mental illness and an internal battle, there are bad days - unfortunately for these people, if you fail on that bad day there is no going back. He had won that struggle countless times over his life though and had that final day where there didn't seem to be any other way out in his mind.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:48 am to rbWarEagle
quote:
I don't want a funeral.
Same here. Rather my surviving family do something more useful and/or enjoyable with $10-15k instead of spending it on funeral expenses.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:49 am to Cosmo
quote:
Family is having a big wake, full mass, etc.
I guess we all grieve differently but if it was my family member I would want a small family only service.
Does the cause of his death change your expectations for the services? Your title and your post aren't really adding up.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:50 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
Does the cause of his death change your expectations for the services?
Yes
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:50 am to Sneaky__Sally
I'm not trying to disrespect anyones loss here. So please don't take it that way.
I don't see what positive you can get from this. Everyone else is left to pick up the pieces.
This guy killed himself, did not leave a note, his wife and kids now has to deal with this.
I battle everyday with PTSD and other issues. Most people who do kill themselves dont even seek out treatment.
I don't see what positive you can get from this. Everyone else is left to pick up the pieces.
This guy killed himself, did not leave a note, his wife and kids now has to deal with this.
I battle everyday with PTSD and other issues. Most people who do kill themselves dont even seek out treatment.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:51 am to Cosmo
My brother committed suicide 13 months ago - completely out of the blue, no visible signs of depression or mental illness. He had no children. The funeral was more of a massive outpouring of support for my parents and family than anything else. Sure it was to celebrate his life, but it also provided a chance for friends and family to lift my parents up in their darkest moment. It allowed my surviving brother and I in delivering our eulogies to address my parents directly, to let them know that they are fantastic parents who provided incredible opportunities for the 3 of us and that they didn't do anything wrong.
I have friends who say they hate funerals, and yes, a funeral is most decidedly not a pleasant experience for those involved, but you'd be surprised how much it means to the bereaved family to see old faces and get those hugs. It can be awkward, and there's no 'right' thing to say, but your presence means more than you can understand unless you've lived through it.
I have friends who say they hate funerals, and yes, a funeral is most decidedly not a pleasant experience for those involved, but you'd be surprised how much it means to the bereaved family to see old faces and get those hugs. It can be awkward, and there's no 'right' thing to say, but your presence means more than you can understand unless you've lived through it.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:51 am to Cosmo
When my ex fiance killed himself last January...his brother didn't even want to do any kind of funeral/wake. My ex always wanted to be cremated. And their dad had just died of cancer a couple months before that. And they have no contact with their mom. So his brother was just understandably angry/upset.
Only reason he did some sort of wake was for his niece (my ex's little girl). And then...it was only for 30 minutes and only immediate family allowed. One of my ex's childhood friends was willing to fly out of state to go...and he really wanted to go. But he was told he was not welcome there.
People grieve differently. The funeral is for the living...not the dead. So if family want a big funeral for their deceased love one to mourn the loss...nothing wrong with that imo.
Only reason he did some sort of wake was for his niece (my ex's little girl). And then...it was only for 30 minutes and only immediate family allowed. One of my ex's childhood friends was willing to fly out of state to go...and he really wanted to go. But he was told he was not welcome there.
People grieve differently. The funeral is for the living...not the dead. So if family want a big funeral for their deceased love one to mourn the loss...nothing wrong with that imo.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:52 am to Cosmo
quote:
Yes
Go on. What makes it different?
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:53 am to Cosmo
quote:
Yes
Kinda weird TBH
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:53 am to momentoftruth87
quote:
I'm not trying to disrespect anyones loss here. So please don't take it that way.
I don't see what positive you can get from this. Everyone else is left to pick up the pieces.
This guy killed himself, did not leave a note, his wife and kids now has to deal with this.
I battle everyday with PTSD and other issues. Most people who do kill themselves dont even seek out treatment.
Its not a positive, i was just relating something a friend said whose father killed himself that made me think about suicide from a different perspective.
Clearly its selfish and puts the family in a horrible position - but what he said also made me empathize with his father, and other people who commit suicide, and have a better understanding of why some may do it.
It was just a powerful speech he made at the funeral that stuck with me.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:53 am to LNCHBOX
What makes suicide vs dying of cancer different?
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:54 am to Sneaky__Sally
It's terrible for one to be in that position, but things change all the time. A positive change can be made instead of something you can't go back on.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:55 am to Cosmo
Suicide is a choice, cancer is not.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:55 am to momentoftruth87
quote:
I don't see what positive you can get from this. Everyone else is left to pick up the pieces.
And there's your issue. You're trying to apply rational thought to an irrational situation.
quote:
Most people who do kill themselves dont even seek out treatment.
Because they aren't thinking rationally. (if your statement is even true)
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:55 am to Cosmo
quote:
What makes suicide vs dying of cancer different?
You're the one saying the death should be handled differently, you tell me.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:55 am to SetTheMood
Sorry for the loss of your brother. Check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They have chapters in every state and do some really good work. Our family got involved after we lost a family member to suicide.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:56 am to momentoftruth87
quote:
I know plenty thanks. Have had many friends taken by it. Had many junior Marines taken by it. Have been there myself. I still stand that it is selfish as frick.
This may come as a surprise, but other people are different than you.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:57 am to momentoftruth87
Right, obviously suicide is not a good choice. But people in depression and mental illness don't always think rationally - I think most people would agree that when someone commits suicide they are not in a rational state of mind.
I was really just relating something someone said others may find interesting, not really looking to get into a debate.
I was really just relating something someone said others may find interesting, not really looking to get into a debate.
Posted on 10/1/18 at 8:58 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
You're the one saying the death should be handled differently, you tell me.
Its an opinion thread baw. I dont personally think the life of somebody who takes their own life deserves the same pomp and circumstance as other ways to die
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