quote:
That's not cheating. That's her deciding that she doesn't want a relationship with you as much as she wants to try a relationship with someone else.

It could be considered emotional cheating if she forges an emotional connection with another person and is no longer emotionally available to you. If she has an emotionally romantic relationship with someone else, that's a form of cheating IMO. It doesn't take sex for it to be cheating.

But if she just meets another guy and decides she wants to try something with him, so she dumps you, that's not really cheating. And it probably means there were a lot of things wrong with your relationship already.

That's how I saw it too but my buddy didn't. I will add the girl also lead him on for a few months after ending it while keeping this new guy a secret from my buddy Like I said she used some fake reason to break up. When she finally did slip up and my buddy found out the real reason why she ended it but kept stringing him along, she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to lose him or not. Now she says just a few dates happened with the new guy, no sex (she claims). Now she wants to get back with my buddy because she said she didn't realize what she had until she almost lost him. I told him hes gotta think long and hard about it. I think she'll do it again.

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Posted by Hog on the Hill

Member since Jun 2009

13416 posts

Posted on 10/28/15 at 2:04 pm to Nola3265

quote:
That's how I saw it too but my buddy didn't. I will add the girl also lead him on for a few months after ending it while keeping this new guy a secret from my buddy Like I said she used some fake reason to break up. When she finally did slip up and my buddy found out the real reason why she ended it but kept stringing him along, she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to lose him or not. Now she says just a few dates happened with the new guy, no sex (she claims). Now she wants to get back with my buddy because she said she didn't realize what she had until she almost lost him. I told him hes gotta think long and hard about it. I think she'll do it again.

I can guarantee their relationship has a lot of serious issues that needed to be addressed and weren't. If they want to even think about staying together, they should go to couples counseling so they can begin talking openly and honestly about their relationship in a supportive environment. That's the only way they can discover the problems they have and begin addressing them in a healthy, constructive way. If your friend isn't interested, or if his lady isn't interested, then they need to call it quits. It's not going to work out otherwise.

IMO relationships can become stronger after infidelity, but both people have to commit to each other, commit to being honest, buy-in completely, and do the work. That usually requires therapy--couples and individual.

This post was edited on 10/28/15 at 2:07 pm

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Posted by lsufan112001

sportsmans paradise

Member since Oct 2006

10943 posts

Posted on 10/28/15 at 3:16 pm to Hog on the Hill

If you're considering a relationship with someone, and you know they've cheated before, you should treat that as a giant red flag. It doesn't mean they will definitely cheat again, but you need to think very carefully about what might have been going on in his/her mind that led to them cheating. If you know they've done it, you should talk to them about it and find out more about why they did it. If they get defensive or aren't forthcoming, then you should probably not continue the relationship. If they're open and honest about it (as far as you'll be able to tell), then take what you learn and think carefully about whether it sounds like good justification for cheating. But believe me, they'll paint their actions in a forgiving and generous light. You probably aren't getting the whole story, no matter how honest it appears they're being.

I ended up marrying a woman who I knew had cheated in two of her previous relationships--the second time I was the other man. Anyone want to guess how that ended? Not very well.

edit: you also need to look carefully for other red flags, like mental health issues. The woman I married suffered from anxiety and depression the entire time I knew her, and she never took the initiative to get herself help. Even after we were married and she got on my very generous health insurance plan, she never made an effort to get into therapy, despite acknowledging that she should.

Don't get serious with someone who has known issues and is also a known cheater. Chances are they'll do it again because they lack the ability to cope with problems in a healthy way. Learn from my experience.
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well said
I unknowingly married a cheater, guess how that ended....

to say they will grow out of it is a lie, i know quite a few older cheaters, age does not matter.

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