re: NYT- Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back.

I'm 41 and I've honestly given up on dating. I'm definitely in a rut, it's been 8 years since my last significant relationship. My longest relationship has only ever been just over a year (ironically the last relationship I had). It's been just over 2 years since I've even had sex.

I feel like I would be a caricature of the broken dating society. A lot of women I was interested in when I was in my 20s and 30s friend zoned me. I actually lost 2 of the women as friends when I told them I wanted to hook up with them or date them, but that I was tired of being in the friend zone. Some of the women I dated in my 30s were just not particularly attractive, but I was desperate.

After my last relationship, I knew I had to stop settling. But then I did online dating. I did Hinge, then Bumble and finally the cesspool that is Facebook dating. Hinge and Bumble I had very limited success. Very few days and the few I did, we never got past a second date. Facebook dating, I've never met any of my matches on there in real life.

I don't like being alone, and I'll admit I'm lonely. But it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

I don't know about most of you here, I'm 41 and I'll easily date 28 - 45. But I'm not dating a woman with kids. I'm not cleaning up another man's mess. It's so hypocritical that women want a "serious man" after they've had their fun. And many men, like myself, are angry because we never got to have that fun and then the women want us to "be a man and step up".

I know my view of women is probably too toxic to date at this point. I don't hate women, and I would like a relationship, but count me in as someone who thinks it's simply isn't worth the work anymore.