Never deprive a Russian soldier of his vodka...

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In World War II, each Red Army soldier received a daily ration that included 100 grams of vodka. The liquor was so indispensable to the troops that during the winter months of the battle of Stalingrad when supply boats could not cross the Volga, bottles of vodka had to be parachuted down. For Lieutenant Ivan Bezditko, nicknamed Ivan The Terrible after the 16th century Russian Tsar, 100 grams was simply not enough. To quench his raging thirst for liquor, when men from his artillery battalion died, Ivan The Terrible would report that they were still ‘present and accounted for’ so that when their liquor rations arrived, he would take them all.

Predictably, his scam was easily discovered by the supply officer Major Malygin, because it was impossible for any unit to be in Stalingrad for any lengthy period of time without suffering heavy casualties. Major Malygin telephoned Ivan and threatened to report his fraudulent behavior to Army headquarters. Okay, fair game. But Major Malygin went one step further, probably one step too far, he said he would cut off Ivan The Terrible’s vodka ration.

Ivan screamed over the telephone “If I don’t get it, you’ll get it”. Not intimidated, or probably not getting the threat, Major Malygin went ahead and canceled Ivan’s vodka ration like he’d said. Now infuriated, Ivan The Terrible contacted his 122 mm batteries, gave them a precise set of coordinates and ordered them to open fire.

Three rounds hit the vodka warehouse with Major Malygin still inside, shattering hundreds of bottles. Luckily, the Major survived the ‘friendly fire’ incident, he staggered out of the wreckage to the nearest telephone and contacted headquarters to accuse Ivan The Terrible of this terrible crime.

The person on the other end listened to his story patiently, but replied unsympathetically: “Give him the vodka. He was just awarded the Order of the Red Star, so give it to him.”

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