LSU gets creative re: budget crisis

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Facing more looming, drastic cuts to higher education by state leaders, LSU administrators are looking to enact some creative ways to generate additional revenue, such as imposing fees to enter restroom stalls equipped with holes used for anonymous sex. LSU President F. King Alexander said university officials are open to any and all ideas — including charging admission to access the flagship university’s infamous “glory holes” — to help make up for what is shaping up to be another significant disinvestment in the state’s colleges and universities by the legislature in an effort to deal with Louisiana’s growing budget crisis.

“There’s something about glory holes at LSU that continues to attract people looking to engage in anonymous fellatio and hand jobs,” Alexander asserted. “Maybe it’s the decadeslong tradition, maybe it’s the mystique, but no matter how many times the holes get covered by employees, and no matter how many people get arrested, the holes keep popping back up, and people keep putting their penises in them.”

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