re: I am convinced that the wife who does not keep her phone on silent doesn't exist

I'm not going to read through 4 pages of responses, so sorry if already posted.

Cell phone alerts drive me crazy. The only time I ever take my phone off of silent, I immediately place it on Do Not Disturb so it only rings for phone calls

That being said, an Apple Watch was a great investment for me. Vibrates to bring notifications to my attention without annoying me. If for no other reason, that made it a worthy investment. Recommend you buy one for your wife if she doesn't like cell phone alerts