Best burglary ever?

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

i really wanted that thing to transform into a dump truck

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We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms

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This part is one of the best things I've ever read.

I did a quick gooble. Most of the time these machines hold less than 10 thousand dollars. I would guess a machine at a convenience store would probably hold less than that.

These dumb frickers are going to prison, probably for about 3 grand.

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Most of the time these machines hold less than 10 thousand dollars

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looks like the stores safe to me.