re: Visual stimulation: is this an equal pull for men and women?

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While I think men and women are generally wired a bit differently in that they enjoy different kinds of porn, I think the larger difference is cultural, though I don't think your wife is correct. I think it's less that culture teaches that men can't control themselves and more that culture shames women for their sex drive, at least historically. When you spend your formative years being told that having a strong sex drive makes you a slut/whore/etc, that's going to take a toll, even once those pressures have been removed.

Feel free to google it, but poll after poll have shown that women are vastly more likely than men to have feelings of shame/sadness/etc after sex/orgasm. Sure, some of them might have been disappointed by your performance, but I can't imagine you've had sex with all of them. Regardless, those same feelings are going to manifest in watching porn for most women.

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