re: More waaaayyy too personal divorce drunk posting... but I need advice.

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Depends on the judge.

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Not my area of personal expertise either, but I do know that in Louisiana any property obtained during the marriage belongs equally to both parties. The same is true of debt.

There are states that use an "equitable division of property" model, in which a judge tries to use his little bad-at-math brain to handle these questions fairly, but Louisiana law affords much less leeway to the judge.

If there is a real disagreement over how to split things up 50%-50%, it's more likely to be settled by an accountant than a judge. No sane judge is going to look at an accountant with expertise in this area and say, "I know how to calculate 50% better than you."