re: The lack of men wearing suits at weddings and funerals is sad.

I worked with a trashy lady. She smoked 2 packs a day, constantly dropped F-bombs and didn't care who was within ear shot. Her son had a mullet. She was so delightfully white trash, and I loved her for it.

Her husband drove a pump truck for a living; the kind that pumps out grease traps and septic tanks. He also rocked a mullet as well as a huge diamond earring.

When I got married, of course she was invited. A few days before the wedding she asked if her husband could wear jeans, because "He doesn't own a suit, and hasn't worn one since our wedding."

"Of course he can," I replied. "Just make sure they're his good church jeans." I figured every wedding has at least one guy wearing jeans. Might as well be him.

The day of the wedding, I see him. His mullet is slicked back, he's wearing his best gold jewelry. And he's in a brand new suit.

"Chris," I said, "Looking good man. What happened to the jeans?" Apparently he was so excited to be invited to my wedding, he made his wife take him to Men's Warehouse because he didn't want to look like a slob.