re: *The 2012 TD.com Soccer Board 2 Chainz True arse, No Lie Awards Ceremony Thread*

Please, ladies and gentlemen, settle. Please refrain from throwing your food at Mr. Casillas.

Now that I have the floor again, we'll continue with the Player Awards.

Presenting the award for best defender, someone who has shot up in popularity over the last month or so. His relationship with one of America's most famous defenders makes him a lock for this honor. Please welcome Alexi Lalas's Mustache!

ALM: And the winner is...Vincent Kompany!

quote:

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Vincent Kompany: 46.5%
Mats Hummels and Philipp Lahm: 11.6%
Gerard Pique and John Terry: 9.3%
Jordi Alba: 7.0%
Nemanja Vidic: 4.7%

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(John Terry stands up and launches a tirade of racial slurs as Kompany receives the award. Joey Barton is nowhere to be found.)



Now presenting the award for BEST MIDFIELDER, formerly of Manchester United, Real Madrid, and the Los Angeles Galaxy...David Beckham!

David Beckham: (riding on a speedboat, holding up a sign that reads Andres Iniesta!)

quote:

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Andres Iniesta: 57.1%[/b]
Cristiano Ronaldo: 28.6%
Xabi Alonso and Xavi: 7.1%

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(CR7 is not impressed, again. If you thought his pouting face was ridiculous during the UEFA Player of the Year ceremony, you should see his dismay on not receiving this infinitely more prestigious award.)



And, now, the BEST FORWARD award will be presented by the legendary Godfrey Chitalu of the Kabwe Warriors!

Godfrey Chitalu: Messi may have won this award, but he didn't even come close to breaking my calendar year goal mark of 107 in 1972. This is just a case of prejudice and unwillingness to believe nonexistent evidence. I'm out of here...

quote:

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Lionel Messi: 73.8%
Radamel Falcao: 16.7%
Chris Wondolowski and Robin van Persie: 4.8%

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(Producer's Note: I think Godfrey Chitalu is dead.)



We close out the player awards with this special video presentation. Here is the winner of the GOAL OF THE YEAR award...Zlatan Ibrahimovic's bicycle kick versus England!



LINK to Goal

quote:

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Zlatan's Bike vs. England: 41.9%
Papiss Cisse's Bender vs. Chelsea: 34.9%
Suarez's Tap x3 vs. Newcastle: 11.6%
Benezema's Volley vs. Osasuna and Aguero's Title Winner vs. QPR: 4.7%
Neymar's Slalom vs. Flamengo: 2.3%

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(Zlatan smiles upon our puny awards ceremony now. Huzzah!)



Ladies and gentlemen, that wraps up this afternoon's portion of the player awards. We will return in a few hours to hand out the trophies you've all been waiting for...the Poster Awards!

Until then, please enjoy Mr. Chainz and special guest Drake as they perform their hit song "No Lie" for three solid hours!