THE DEVIL

Offices in Hell, Purgatory, and West Memphis
Areas of Practice: Possession, Damnation, Tax
Certified to Practice in 49 States, Sorry Tennessee

LSU Athletics Department
Attn: Les Miles
P.O. Box 25095
Baton Rouge, LA 70894-5095

Re: Our standing contractual obligations

Dear Coach Miles:

As you know, you and I have had a fruitful contractual relationship since the mid 90's. We have both gotten what we had initially bargained for when we contemplated this deal all those years ago, you got to become a successful college head football coach and I got your soul, relegated to damnation for all eternity. Not only have I given you success, I’ve given you all the spoils that come along with that, fame, riches, and even a BCS National Championship. All I have ever asked in return is a bit of gratitude, and of course, the previously mentioned soul that will smolder in fire and brimstone for all time. However, in light of recent events I feel it is necessary to redefine the nature of our relationship.

I can no longer perform such overt acts that allow for your continued success. It’s one thing to persuade the country’s finest blue chip athletes to come to Baton Rouge and play for you, it’s quite another to bend the parameters of time and reason to make up for your shortcomings. As you know, I’m a bit of a private person, I tend to enjoy working more in the shadows, and frankly such a public display of my powers in front of a packed stadium and a national television audience makes me a little uncomfortable and is, ultimately, bad for business.

Given that fact, I feel it is best to terminate our relationship moving forward. Seeing as your soul’s employment was at-will to my discretion and whimsy, there will be no repercussions for termination. You are free to reclaim your soul at any time, besides, Woody Hayes is on our Board of Directors and he’s never been real thrilled about our firm’s association with you.

No hard feelings and good luck with the rest of the season.

Sincerely,

THE DEVIL
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