Mrs. Gonzalez's Tea Party

SCENE: (Mrs. Marge Gonzalez's parlor. Marge, her sister Rose, and her kindly old priest, Father Sean O'Malley are sitting around, dipping tea.)

FR. O'MALLEY: "So, Marge, where is little Billy now? Seems like only yesterday he was playing in the park, teaching all the other kids how to throw the football around."

MARGE: (looking nervous), "Uh, he's in rehab, Father, had a bad drug problem. Please pray for him."

ROSE: (incensed) "Marge! Don't you DARE lie to the Father. Tell him the truth about Billy."

MARGE: (still nervous) "Uh, uh, I'm afraid he's in prison father. Killed a man."

ROSE: "Marge Gonzalez! You tell the Father the truth or I'LL tell him!"

MARGE: (breaks down, crying uncontrollably) "I'm so ashamed, Father, so ashamed."

FATHER O'MALLEY: (putting his arm around Marge, trying to comfort her) "There, there, Marge. It can't be all that bad. We can get through anything with faith in the good Lord and prayer."

MARGE: (wiping away her tears, suddenly gathering herself) "All right! If you must know! My son Billy Gonzalez is the Passing Game Coordinator for the LSU Tiger football team! There! I've said it! Satisfied!?"

FR. O'MALLEY: (looks terrified and stumbles backward, nearly tripping over a coffee table. When he regains his balance, he crosses himself and kisses the large cross hanging around his neck.) "Holy Mother of God! I, I, had no idea. I'm sooooo sorry. Is there ANYTHING I can do?"

MARGE: (now composed) "Yes, Father. You can PRAY that Zack Mettenberger or some other great JUCO quarterback saw the West Virginia game and comes to LSU, and that the Lord leads Gary Crowton elsewhere, maybe to some nice Mormon school."

Hey, don't know. COULD have happened.