re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

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why would you not want to spend the weekend with your wife and kids? Who cares about the driving, you get to spend it with them, should be enjoyable.

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Maybe I’m autistic, but I skip as much as possible. Time in the car is lost time.
I enjoy seeing family, but I miss lots of “special” days. There are just too many to go to all of them.

I also never expect/demand that anyone come to see me. When they do, I treat them very well.

I’m with you OP, spending all your weekends in the car for one more birthday, wedding, retirement, whatever is too much.

At some point, you are just going from event to event with no real joy associated with it.

Pick a weekend, not every weekend.