The right partner can work wonders. A close friend of mine has had bpd for years. She was always erratic, had trouble holding down jobs, would constantly cycle through friend groups, and was generally incredibly self-destructive. She had been forcefully committed due to suicide attempts after a bad breakup, voluntarily gone for addiction at times, etc.

After years of watching her spin her wheels as she started making a concerted effort to improve herself (mostly through therapy, art, and treating people better), she finally decided to be vulnerable and get into a serious relationship with the man whom she’d been in love with but sorta kept at arm’s length for a couple years out of fear of being hurt. Instead of running from her feelings or trying to string along a situationship, or asking for friends with benefits while spiraling out of jealousy because he could see other women, she actually told him her true feelings and demanded a real relationship or nothing.

They’ve been dating seriously for just under a year now, and she’s completely changed in a positive way. While she’s still not the best employee one could find, her habits are so much healthier, she’s no longer acting out for attention or abusing alcohol to make friends. She’s still prone to emotional swings, but usually over real problems and not just problems she manifests in her head. She’s got a stable home life, great friends, constructive hobbies, and she’s even going to church.

It turned out that when she finally allowed herself to be vulnerable and put her insecurities on the table, she found someone who embraced her completely and healthily. Just getting that unconditional love was most of what it took to completely turn her entire life around. It turned out that much of her negative behavior stemmed from craving attention and validation. Now that she has that, she no longer seems to seek the attention. I’m super proud of my friend even if I “lost” my favorite drinking buddy