re: Anyone do volunteer coaching for youth sports…does it ever get better?

I have coached my son's soccer team (U9) now for several years. He plays in a recreational league. Many boys have stayed with the team, and many of my players are new to the team. The rules do state that I have to play them at least 50% of the match, even if they do not attend practice. I have repeated to my players that my expectations are to not win every match (which would be most desirable). But I am very limited to how I can teach my players about accountability. They need to understand that we are there to have fun, but also to learn and grow. There should be a rule to require players to attend weekly practice(s). It is not fair to other players for them to be able to show up and run around for the match, and not having practice with his teammates. It is a true disservice to the dedicated players that do attend practice.
But to answer your question, it only becomes better if you allow it. Things will not change, so you must change your thoughts and emotions for what is best for the players with the rules enforced by league organizers.
I have learned to enjoy my players during practice and games. I try to think of them as my own sons. I will continue to coach as long as my son needs a coach in order to play every year.