re: Getting an 18 year old started in life & military

That definitely doesn't appear to be the case!
When I was 17, I moved away from my parents. I no longer needed them to "wipe my arse" or "make a sandwich" literally or figuratively.
Based on that alone, it seems as if my parents did a far better job than you have done with your child.

Keep talking shite if it helps you deal with your insecurities but don't let the truth of the reality erode what little remaining confidence you have!
Perhaps your kids will find a father figure somewhere outside your home that they admire and respect?

Have a great day!